Page 74 of Sporting Goods

It was selfish. To let myself enjoy this, to get lost in what was happening between us. Instead of doing what I came here to do. Selfish and weak. The weakest, yet strongest I’d felt…ever.

I laid up in bed the next morning. More disappointed in myself than I’d been in a while.

My phone pinged and I raised it from the nightstand, pulling it in front of my eyes. I frowned at an unwanted message from Max and braced myself for the threats I was about to endure before opening it.

Max: Fine. Let’s do this civilly. You win.

That should have been that. And the rest would have been taken care of by our attorney’s. But instead, I replied. Because I had to know what the hell he was playing.

Me: What exactly does that mean?

Max: There’s a practice tonight. Bring Jax to the arena. I want him to see us united. Not fighting.

When I didn’t respond, another message from him came through.

Only way this will work, Ray.

Me: Okay. But only because he’d like to see you. I’m not agreeing to anything you try to pull there, Max.

Max: I’ll barely say a word to you. Like you said, your terms. Just want to see Jax and set a peaceful environment.

I didn’t realize he knew what those last two words meant. Much less put together.

Because all that Max ever was, and I was sure ever will be; is toxic.

But just to be sure I wasn’t living in an alternate universe, I asked,

Me: Why can’t you come to us?

A moment later he responded.

Max: Because it looks good for me to be seen with my family.

We are not your family, I said to myself before shutting my phone off so he wouldn’t put a damper on my already miserable morning.

But at least his response sounded more like the Max I knew. Always looking out for himself.

26

“What’s this about?You throwing me another intervention?” Tisch asked when she walked into my apartment Saturday morning.

“I just want to talk,” I told her, motioning her in.

She rolled her eyes and went to help herself in my kitchen.“We’re clearly going to have an awkward conversation that makes me uncomfortable, so you don’t mind if I eat the entire time.”

“Help yourself and what makes you think it’s awkward?”

“Because you never call me to just shoot the shit, Lo. You call me when you’re being my big brother or when there’s something you need to clear with me before doing.”

“I don’t need to clear anything with you.”

“You clear everything with me. I know you quit hockey for me. Is that what this is about? You joining the team again?”

“I didn’t quit because of you, Tisch. Maybe I did a little, or I let myself believe it was for you, I don’t know.” I drew a breath, taking a moment. “I think what kept me away was the resentment and hostility from opposing teams. Not just Withers. The competitiveness, it went beyond the game, it became more about me as a person, how far I’d come in the league and…I guess I didn’t want to go back to that.” I paused, glancing at her, picturing her alone in this world. One of my biggest fears. “And what if…what if it was worse? What if it wasn’t just my arm, or just my leg…”

“You’re letting fear hold you back?”

“Tisch I’ve got nothing to live for, but you.” The moment I said it, Rayne and Jax came to mind. I wanted to live for them. Those two filled my heart and gave me purpose. “I’m not afraid of getting hurt, I’m afraid of not being here for you.”

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