Page 75 of Remember Me
The sun may have been hiding behind the clouds, but the warmth of his palms spread through her. Giving her the hope that she’d been silently yearning for. Though she realistically hadn’t seen him in just over a week, she’d felt as though it was an eternity. She wanted to cry, to bury herself in his chest. Tell him how much she’d missed him. But the part she couldn’t explain was the desire to bury herself under the warm sand at that very moment to avoid looking into his eyes.
When he showed no sign of letting her off the hook, she found the courage and lifted her head. Pure shock hit her as unmistakable remorse was all over his face. He brushed his fingers over the healing wound on her head.
“Matt.”
“Baby. You’re back,” he smiled brightly, and a sheen of liquid filled his eyes and the hope inside her swelled.
“I heard you missed me.”
She watched him ponder that for a moment before he smiled. “Yes, as much as I was grateful you were still alive, your memories and your love are everything to me and I couldn’t wait to have them back.”
His words left her breathless for merely a second before a sigh of relief and a few tears escaped her.
“Why didn’t you come back when you remembered?” he whispered.
She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. “Because I remembered.” Her voice was hoarse. Before she could try and pull away, he pulled her into his hard torso and held her close. He squeezed a hand full of her hair, then ran his fingers along the strands. She never wanted him to let go.
“Where did you go?” He pulled back and searched her eyes.
“I feel like I’ve been waking up slowly. At first it was scary because I was falling in and out of myself and I was so confused. But Marcus has been helping me stay on track.”
“I wish I knew. I wish I was there.”
“Apparently, you need to know all the screwed-up facts about your life in order to bring you back to it.” Liz laughed bitterly.
“I don’t think that’s entirely true.”
“Well it was in my case.” She said, wiping away one of her last tears.
His eyes were starting to play tricks on her; turning dark and glossy as he stared at her. Unreadable. He blinked and swallowed. “I let you down. You needed to trust someone and I...”
“You protected me. You cared for me. You put aside all your anger to try and prove to me how much you loved me.” She wouldn’t let him take any blame and waited until he looked at her again. “Thank you. I didn’t deserve that.”
“Liz, we don’t need to talk about that right now,” he said softly.
“What’s the point of putting it off?” She shrugged. “I’m tired, Matt. Yes, to answer your question, it was very difficult keeping it from you. Painful in fact.” She swallowed and blinked at the wind. “And I know this is going to sound selfish…but the dread that I felt every time I even pondered the idea…” she shook her head uncontrollably and he immediately grasped her head in his hands again. The understanding in his eyes were so clear, as though he felt her pain. She pushed his arms down and stepped back a few feet. “You were right to assume…to doubt me weeks ago,” she sighed heavily. “When I told you that I made the decision to keep this from you, there was something I was leaving out.” Liz glanced up to see him watch her patiently with his head cocked to the side.
“Does this have to do with my brother trying to convince you to tell me?”
She nodded slowly. “He was going to tell you regardless,” she started, to test how much he knew. By the puzzled expression on her husband’s face, she concluded not as much.
“I don’t understand, why didn’t he?”
“A few days before our wedding, he told me he had to.” she continued, relieved more than she was scared. “I told him to go for it…and then wait to see if I still walk down that aisle…knowing that I’m marrying someone who willneverlook at me the same way.” She let out a shaky breath, the emotions of that night flooding back. She laughed bitterly. “He was so convinced that you would understand and that I was being foolish,” she shrugged as if to say the rest is history. She had since then apologized profusely to Ben for her threat on breaking it off with Matt, regardless of his forgiveness. Being the incredible friend Ben still was, he apologized for “interfering” and insisted it was her call, but gave her that very warning Liz remembered back at the hospital.
She had indeed turned her one mistake into many unforgivable ones. She wanted to sink into the sand right where she stood. It was over and she was beyond exhausted.
Matt gazed at her, his brows were creased and his mouth slightly open. Everything about his expression completely unreadable. A short moment passed before he spoke. “Did you mean it?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.” Her voice was hoarse. “I’ve replayed those words in my head a thousand times, and no matter how much I wanted to believe them…I don’t think they were true.” She watched him push some sand around with his shoe, his hands in his pockets. His avoidance now making her anxious. She was pretty certain this wasn’t what the doctor had in mind when he told her to take it easy for a few weeks. She took a few more steps back to lean against the concrete wall beside the steps. Giving him the time he clearly needed.
Not a beat passed before he sauntered the few short steps to reach her, pressing her further into the cool rocky wall. He stood over her, making her lift her head to look at him. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you too.” His voice was low but then a smile played on his lips. “My love for you isn’t conditional. It never was and won’t ever be.”
She dropped her head. He had a way with words. But she hoped for more.
He lifted her chin. “Lizzy, if there was the slightest chance that it would have compromised what we had back then...” he smiled brighter. “then I am undoubtedly forever grateful, that you never spoke a word of it.”
She let out an audible breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. She let him embrace her once more. The need he had to protect her from her pain was profound.
“But it wasn’t just about us,” she said after a long moment.
Matt sighed. “Yes, yes I know. My brother.” He swallowed and the resentment flashed back in his eyes. “I’ll do it for you Liz. But I can’t promise it will be soon.”
She nodded, relieved. She may not have been proud of it, but part of her threat was to protect Matt’s relationship with his brother. She opened her mouth to say as much, but he immediately put his fingers over it. “No. We’re not spending any more time on this. I’ve been away from you long enough, and you have some nerve making me work for it. Now I’m going to kiss you and then you’re going to say you’re sorry for all the heartache you’d caused me the last few weeks. Yes, I am fully putting the blame on you, missI need some time off…”
But she beat him to it. Shutting him and his banter off before he said something that would make him rethink kissing her at all.
He kissed her back, and she loved the force behind his smiling lips while lowering his hands to her waist. The kiss seemed to last forever. Neither one willing to let go. How this kiss did not bring back years of memories for her before, she’d never understand. But she would never forget it now. And, something told her, neither would he.
