Page 106 of Touch Me Not

She gave Adam a once-over and noticed his clothes were as rumpled as Nikoli’s, and he hadn’t shaved in a couple days either, by the looks of it. Had they both been here the entire time?

“She needs to sleep,” Nikoli said. “Now that she’s awake and talking, why don’t you head home and get some sleep yourself?”

“That’s not a bad idea. I need a shower too. Want me to bring you dinner back?”

Nikoli nodded, and Lily glanced between the two of them, perplexed. Had she died and gone to some remote region of hell, perhaps?

Adam laughed at the confusion on her face. “Don’t worry, Lils. Kincaid and I came to an understanding. We’re all good.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Get some rest, and I’ll be back in a few hours. I’ll call your mom too.”

Nikoli nodded to him then dragged the chair closer to the bed and sat down. He stared at her, not saying a word. There were so many emotions flickering in his eyes, it was hard to define them all.

“I’m sorry,Milaya,” he said after a long moment. “I’m so very sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Brian attacked me, Nikoli.”

“Yes, it is. If I wasn’t such a stupid ass, you would never have been put in that position. You wouldn’t have walked in on me and then run out so that bastard could take you.”

She sighed and started to say something, but he put a finger to her lips.

“Quiet,Milaya,” he said, his voice deep and gruff. “When I saw your face that night…God, it cut through me, and I realized then what a selfish bastard I was.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I lied to you, Lily, when I said I didn’t love you. I do. More than my own life, but I was so scared when you said the words inMiami. I kept thinking of the girl who’d broken my heart before, and I couldn’t do that to myself again. So I lied.”

He lied? A flutter of hope sprang to life inside of her, but then she remembered all the women he’d been with since they broke up. “Nikoli…the last month…all the women…”

“Not a damn thing happened,” he swore. “I tried,Milaya. Trust me, I tried hard to forget you, but I couldn’t. I kept seeing your eyes, all broken and haunted. That girl you found me with? She was my last-ditch effort to try to be the old me, but I couldn’t. I was about to take her back downstairs when you walked in. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but it’s the truth. You’ve seen me with girls, but how many have you heard talking about fucking me?”

She thought back over the last month, and she’d heard rumors he’d been playing hard to get, and it was driving the girls insane, but she couldn’t think of a single person who claimed to have slept with him.

“I love you, Lily Isabella Holmes. I fucked up and let you walk away once, and I’m not doing it again. I’m an ass, but I’m an ass who loves you. Will you forgive me,dushka? Will you forgive all the hurt I caused us both and marry me?”

Marry him?

“I swear to all that’s holy I will spend every damn day for the rest of our lives making it up to you if you’ll forgive me. I promised God I’d take care of you if he’d give you back to me. You’ll never know the hell I went through when I found your phone lying there on the sidewalk, and the blood…God, Lily, I almost lost it. Then when I saw that car flip with you in it, I almost died myself.”

He reached down and took her hand. “Please,dushka, forgive me. I’m so fucking sorry. Give me a second chance? Please?”

Lily stared at him, shocked and dazed. She’d heard nothing but “blah, blah, blah” after the words “marry me.” He’d really asked her to marry him? Hope refused to be pushed down again as she gazed into his onyx eyes. They were open and honest, full of pain, regret, and love.

Could she forgive him for everything he’d done? He’d broken her so badly. He’d healed the damaged person she’d been, only to break her into a million tiny pieces that were still sobbing on Janet’s bathroom floor.

“Nikoli,” she said softly, “you don’t understand what you did to me, what I went through…”

“But I do,” he said just as softly. “Janet brought me your book, and I read it. I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused you, but I’m sorry, Lily. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I am truly and deeply sorry, and I will never hurt you like that again. I swear it.”

Could she trust him again? She loved him so much. Her very soul ached without him, but could she go through that again if he decided he didn’t want her? Her mind shied away from the thought of that pain, the pain that still sometimes woke her up in the middle of the night, and she’d cry until she went back to sleep. The only person who could fix the broken mess she was sat before her, his heart in his eyes. She took a chance once, and she’d take it again, even given what happened, because she would never regret Nikoli Kincaid. He was her heart and her soul.

“What doesdushkamean?” she asked instead of answering right away.

“It means sweetheart.” He ran a hand through his short hair. “I’ve never called a girl sweetheart before. It’s why I’d never tell you what it meant. I didn’t want to explain it.”

He’d been calling her sweetheart for months, and she’d never even realized.

“You’re killing me, Lily.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the bed. “Please say you forgive me.”

“I forgive you, Nikoli.”

He brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss lightly on her palm. “Thank you,Milaya. I don’t deserve it, but thank you.”

“No, you don’t deserve it,” she told him. “And you are a selfish bastard, and if you ever make me hurt like that again, I swear I will shoot you where you stand.”

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