Page 93 of Touch Me Not

She couldn’t breathe. She tried taking deep breaths, but she couldn’t breathe. It hurt too much. Tears slid over her nose and landed to puddle in front of her eyes on the harsh tile of the floor. The door opened, and Adam came in. He didn’t say anything; he just lay down next to her. His hand found hers, and he laced their fingers together.

Her sobs shook her, and she couldn’t stop them. Her entire body cried out in denial; her soul felt like it had been torn in half. She missed him, and he hadn’t been gone for more than a few hours.

Adam rolled and pulled her into him, his stomach against her back, and he held her while she shook from grief and her sobs robbed her of breath. Adam held her while she cried, not saying a word, just holding her to let her know he was there and that she was loved. She appreciated that more than she could say.

Her sobs quieted, and she stared at the white plastic of the small tub in front of her. She wanted to feel numb, but she didn’t. Every breath, every movement hurt. Never had she imagined losing Nikoli would hurt this much. She felt like she was the one who’d been in the accident this morning. Her skinfelt raw, her lungs burned, and her heart…her heart was just broken.

Shewas broken.

“You look like shit.”

Nikoli raised blurry eyes to see his brother standing above him. Kade took a seat across from him at the table. The waitress came over, and he asked for a beer. “What are you doing here?”

“Luther called me. Said you’d been drunk for the last week and you wouldn’t listen to him.”

Luther needed to mind his own damn business. Liquor numbed the pain.

“What has gotten into you?” Kade continued. “You’ve never been much of a drinker.”

That was before he lost the one person who really mattered to him.

“Go home, Kade.”

“No, I’m not going home.” He thanked the waitress as she set his beer down in front of him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you seriously binge drinking because of some chick?”

“You don’t know a thing about Lily.” He winced at the slur in his voice. “You don’t understand what I did to her.”

Kade’s eyes sharpened. “Nikoli, you didn’t do anything that can get you in trouble, did you?”

Nikoli snorted. “No.”

Relief swept over Kade’s face. “You need to pull yourself together, little brother.”

“I love her.”

That made Kade shut up. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. A look of determination came over his face after a moment.

“Then why the fuck are you sitting here, drunk off your ass, instead of with her?”

“You know why.”

Kade flinched. He did know why.

“She’s not Jessica.” Her name still brought a scowl to both their faces.

Jessica Frasier. Her name left a bad taste in Nikoli’s mouth. The summer before he started Boston University, he’d gone to spend time with Kade in Virginia. Jessica had been his brother’s girlfriend. Blonde, beautiful, and a manipulative bitch at heart. She’d started to flirt with him the day he’d arrived. Kade had told her how proud he was of Nikoli for what he’d accomplished, had told her about Nikoli’s business.

His brother had been in love with her.

It hadn’t mattered to Nikoli. The woman had convinced him that she loved him after a few weeks there, and he’d believed her. He’d been young and stupid, and he’d almost ruined the relationship between him and Kade. It still wasn’t what it was, but they’d both realized soon after who Jessica really was at heart. Nikoli had hurt his brother, had taken what was his and never looked back. Maybe the pain he felt now was karma’s way of paying him back.

She’d demanded things from Nikoli from the beginning, and he’d obliged her by buying anything she wanted. He’d left his brother’s apartment and had been staying with Jessica. He’d come home one day and overheard a conversation she was having with someone on the phone. She’d been gloating about landing the rich brother, laughing while she told whoever about how she’d convinced Nikoli he loved her and about how she was now set for life.

Realizing what she’d made him do, he’d simply walked out and gone to find his brother. He’d been so ashamed of what he’d done to his brother. He’d confessed to Kade what he’d overheard, and Kade had forgiven him. Jessica manipulated them both. The experience had skewed their expectations of women. Neither of them had had a relationship that lasted longer than an hour since then.

Jessica ruined him. Nikoli thought he’d loved her at the time. He understood the difference now. He knew the difference between lust and love. He loved Lily, but he’d lusted after Jessica and in the process had almost lost his brother. It would cause any sane man to pause.

“Nikoli, you know I’m the first person to advocate bachelorhood, but I think you need to get over it and go get your woman back.”

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