Page 59 of Touch Me Not

She lifted her head enough to see his arm pulled back, the muscles so tight, they looked ready to snap. Instead, he threw Adam like he was a rag that you tossed in the kitchen sink.

“Get out, all of you.”

She heard Janet protesting, but it was useless. He emptied the room and walked over to the radio to turn it down. He didn’t cut it off, just lowered the volume. Then he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat in front of her, a good foot between them. He set the bottle of water down where she could reach it.

“Easy,dushka,” he murmured. “You’re safe.”

Her lungs felt like they were closing in on her, and her vision got blurry. “I…I can’t breathe,” she gasped.

“Close your eyes,” he told her, his voice calm. “Listen to the sound of the music, and don’t think about anything but the words to the song. Sing them in your head,dushka. Just listen to the music and relax.”

Lily closed her eyes and listened to the song that was playing on the radio. John Legend’sAll of Medrifted through the room.She let the soft melody invade her mind and began to hum along, and her breathing slowed. The song itself was soothing, and she started to relax.

Her eyes popped open, and she looked at Nikoli in surprise. The panic was still there, but she could breathe. How had he known to do that?

“Do you remember I told you my dad was in the Marines?” he asked and continued when she nodded. “He has PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. He used to have panic attacks all the time after he came home from his last assignment. It was right before he sent me to live with my uncle. My mom used to calm him down with music. I thought it might help you too. Is it helping?”

She nodded. It was helping. Her body was still stiff as a board, but her breathing was almost normal. She felt embarrassed too. She’d thought she was getting better, but all it took to send her scurrying away like a coward was a simple touch from Adam. He’d tried to wrap his arms around her, and that was it. Full-blown panic mode kicked in, and she’d run.

“Hey, hey, no crying now,Milaya,” Nikoli soothed when he saw the tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them away but couldn’t stop the tide.

“I’m sorry.” She hiccupped.

“Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?”

“You’ve been working so hard to help me, and it’s not working. I’m sorry you’re wasting your time.”

“Hey, now,dushka, getting you better isn’t something that is going to be accomplished in a week or two, or even in a month. We can take this as slow as you need to. I’m not upset that you had a bad moment. Boy Wonder shouldn’t have just up and grabbed at you. You weren’t expecting it, and that’s why you got scared. That’s going to happen, Lily, but youaregetting better. Don’t doubt that.”

“What doesdushkamean?” she asked. She always forgot to look it up.

“Nope, Lily Bells, I’m not telling.”

She shook her head and sat up, reaching for the water bottle. She took a cautious sip. Last time this happened, she’d thrown up. She had no desire to puke all over Nikoli’s new furniture, especially after scolding Luther.

“You are not what I expected,” she murmured after a minute.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you are, but you’re different too.” She thought about how to word what she wanted to say. “You’re brash, and you have this ‘fuck off’ attitude, but you’re also kind and patient. I didn’t expect that from you.”

Nikoli watched the confusion consume Lily’s expression and had to admit he was just as confused as she was. Normally, he did have a “fuck off” attitude and would go on, but not with Lily. Sure, he wanted her in a bad way, but he also had this inane urge to help her, to give her back everything she’d lost. He couldn’t explain it, but Lily mattered to him. In just two weeks, she’d gone from a fuck bet to someone he cared about.

“Don’t say that out loud.” He laughed to cover his own emotions. “I have a reputation to uphold. Now, what do you want for dinner? I’m starving. I’m going to feed you then take you home.”

“What about the furniture?”

“Don’t worry about it. Luther and I will get the rest of it up later tonight. Now, what do you want to eat?”

“Cuban?” she asked, her voice hesitant.

“Sure. Joe’s always happy to see you come in. You go on and get cleaned up. I’ll deal with everyone outside, okay?”

She nodded and stood. He watched her until she closed the bathroom door then headed out to talk to everyone. DamnAdam. Boy Wonder had to always go and fuck everything up. No more.

They all waited outside, grouped around the U-Haul. He went straight for Adam, but Mike blocked his access.

“Take it easy, man. You do him any damage, and Lily might not forgive you. She loves the idiot.”

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