Page 91 of Touch Me Not: Anniversary Edition

“Are you okay?” she asked. “Is there anything I can get you?”

“A bottle of water would be nice,” Nikoli told her, seeing the worry in her eyes. She nodded and got out of the car to go into the gas station. He let out a small sigh of relief. He’d won. It had been close, and he owed that to Lily. Luther warned him the guy was about to launch a speed boost, and Nikoli would have been sunk if that happened. Thank God she knew so much about cars, especially race cars.

When she’d kissed him, Nikoli realized two things. She loved him, but more importantly, he loved her. He felt how much she loved him in the way she’d kissed him. She’d put everything in that kiss she didn’t dare say out loud. Not only had he responded, but he’d put just as much into the kiss as she had. He loved her, and it terrified him.

Then she’d gone and told him she loved him. The kiss had told him that already, but then her blurted confession confirmed it.

He didn’t know how to respond to that.

This road was a familiar one for him. Sure, Lily hadn’t asked him for anything, but who was to say that down the road, as she got her claws sunk deeper into him, that she wouldn’t become just like every other woman? He’d misjudged a woman once, and he wasn’t about to put himself in that position again. He couldn’t do that to himself, no matter how much he loved Lily. He couldn’t take the risk.

Lily opened the car door and gave him the water, along with a few wet paper towels. He cleaned up his face then swallowed half the bottle in one long pull.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” she fussed. “You could have internal injuries. Maybe we should go to the hospital.”

“No.” He shook his head. “They’ll be checking the ERs and local clinics looking for injuries from a car accident. I can’t go there. I’m fine, Lily, really. Just get us back to the hotel room so I can lay down.”

She started the car and pulled back into the flow of traffic. Nikoli closed his eyes and winced when she hit a rough patch in the road. He didn’t think he had any internal injuries, but he was sore and felt every bump. It would be a relief to just lie down in the bed for a while.

It took a little over an hour to reach the hotel because of early morning traffic, but Luther was waiting when Lily parked the car. He helped Nikoli out and started to lead him through a side door Lily hadn’t seen before. It was a back entrance only the staff used, but there was an elevator a few feet in front of the door. Once they got Nikoli to his room and settled in bed, Luther headed out, saying he needed to make arrangements for the car.

Lily sat down on the chair across from the bed and watched him sleep. He’d fallen out minutes after his head hit the pillow. Lily worried about a concussion, but he hadn’t shown any signs of one. He wasn’t dizzy or seeing double, and his eyes had been focused. Still, she worried, so she watched him for any signs of trouble.

She couldn’t believe she’d been stupid enough to tell him she loved him. The look of shock in his eyes worried her. Even though she hadn’t meant for the words to slip out, she was glad they were out there. Sometimes, she thought Nikoli loved her as much as she loved him, but she couldn’t be sure. She loved him enough to risk her heart being broken.

It was a risky bet and one she didn’t know if she’d win.

When Nikoli opened his eyes several hours later, he saw Lily curled up in the chair she’d dragged close to the bed. She smiled softly when she saw him staring at her. His heart clenched, knowing what he was about to do to her. She didn’t deserve it, but he couldn’t risk his heart again. He just couldn’t.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she said. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “Give me a few minutes, Lily Bells. Then we need to talk.” He got up and headed to the bathroom. He slowed down as soon as his injuries caught up to him. He’d been slammed into the car door more times than he could count. Sure enough, once he took his shirt off, he saw the bruise that ran the length of his arm and wrapped around his shoulder.

He turned on the shower then slipped in a minute later, letting the hot water hit the bruises on his body to help soothe the sore muscles.

How was he going to break her heart? How was he going to look into the eyes of the woman he loved and tell her he didn’t love her? How had he gotten into this mess in the first place?

All because he was determined to have the one woman who not only ignored him, but inspired a hunt like no other. She ran, and he chased. When he caught her, he found not a sly fox, but a sweet and innocent young woman who truly epitomized the meaning of a good person. He hadn’t been prepared for her. She made him laugh, made him question his own sense of self. She made him want to be a better person.

And despite all that, he was still going to break her.

Shutting off the shower, he dried off and put on the clean pair of jeans and t-shirt he’d left in here this morning. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Lily was still sitting where he’d left her, but she was staring off into space, deep in thought.

He walked over and sat down on the bed. “We need to talk, Lily.”

She smiled up at him, and it nearly stopped the words he was about to utter. There was so much hope on her face, but he forced himself to remember this was only an arrangement. They’d both gotten what they wanted. They’d be better off once this was over and done.

He didn’t believe of a word of that horseshit, but he was still going through with it.

“Yes, we do,” she said. “I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, but I was scared, and then you were safe, and I couldn’t help it. I do love you, Nikoli. I have for a long time.”

“Adam…”

“I don’t want Adam. I didn’t understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone until you. You’re the only person I want, Nikoli. I love you.”

“No, Lily, you don’t love me.” He shook his head. “You just see what everyone else does, and you only think you love me.”

She reached up and put a finger to his lips. “Stop right there, Kincaid. I do see what you let everyone else see—the ‘fuck you, I don’t care what you think’ man—and then I see you. The man who is gentle and takes care of those he cares about. The man who stopped what he was doing to buy a little girl a sucker because her mama didn’t have the money for it. I see the man who laughs, the man who can be kind and loving. I see the man I fell in love with. I seeyou.”

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