Page 28 of Touch Me Not: Anniversary Edition

She blushed when his gaze traveled from her head to her toes and back up, landing on her lips and staying there. She felt hot and took a sip of water. His stare caused all sorts of unfamiliar sensations. That devilish smile of his said he knew it too.

Anger hit her then. She’d told him her darkest secret, and all that was on his mind was sex! She felt really stupid. Why did she believe this could work? Nikoli was the worst kind of womanizer, and she knew it.

“This isn’t going to work…”

“Lily, Boy Wonder is an asshat and an idiot.” Nikoli cut her off. “You needed patience and a firm hand. He couldn’t give that to you. It was too hard, and he gave up. I, on the other hand, don’t give up, and I love a challenge.”

“How are you supposed to help me when all you can think about is getting into my pants?” Lily uncurled herself and rubbed her arms, starting to get a little cold.

“It’s because I want into your pants that I can help you,” he fired back. “I have methods we can use, things that will help you learn to tolerate my touch, enjoy just thinking about what my hands will do to you.”

She swallowed, every muscle in her body tightening at the promise in his voice. Somehow, in that moment, looking into his onyx eyes, she believed him. He might be able to do this for her.

“I’m sorry about your sister,” he told her. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost one of my brothers or my father, so I can’t begin to imagine what you felt, what you still feel. Hell, all but one of my brothers have graduated and spread out around the country, and I miss them. If I couldn’t call one of them or see them…” He closed his eyes, and Lily wasn’t sure how to feel. She’d never seen this side of him. He sounded like a decent human being for once. “I am so sorry, Lily.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“I’m a bastard. I know that, but I’m not a heartless bastard.”

He slid closer to her. She pushed herself as far into the cushion as she could, but he came closer, until he was sitting only about two inches away from her. Her palms started to sweat.

“I want you to understand one simple fact. I’m going to push you,Milaya, push you well past your breaking point on many levels, but know that I heard you, heard your pain. I won’t let my own needs make me forget how much you’re hurting. You will always come first with me. You just need to be willing to try.”

His dark eyes burned with an intensity that scared Lily. She’d never had anyone look at her like that. His gaze held a promise. All she had to do was accept the chance he was offering, but could she bring herself to do it?

“Will you tell me exactly how you plan on helping me?” She needed specifics.

“We’re going to go slowly, Lily. First, you have to be comfortable with me, so you and I are going to spend a lot of time together. You’ll be as comfortable with me as you are with Boy Wonder.”

“I doubt that.” She couldn’t repress the giggle that slipped out. She was too nervous. “He doesn’t have designs on my virtue.”

He smiled, really smiled, and she couldn’t help but admire his dimples. Nikoli had a nice smile when he wasn’t trying too hard. It was honest. “Once you start to get used to me, we’ll move on to something basic.”

“Like?”

“Like putting your hand in mine. I won’t do anything except let you set your hand in mine. You can snatch it back without fear.”

“So, you’ll let me touch you instead of touching me?” She’d never tried that before. Adam had always forced her to let him hug her.

“It’s all about control, Lily,” Nikoli explained. “Everyone has been forcing their touch on you, and I won’t do that. I may do a few sneak attacks, but I’m going to let you get used to touching me, become familiar with how my skin feels against yours. Once that happens, then I’ll touch you. Trust me,Milaya, you will learn to love the way I touch you.”

“What does that mean?Milaya? It’s Russian?”

“Yes, it’s Russian,” he said.

“So?” she prompted. “What does it mean?”

Nikoli didn’t want to tell her what it meant. He wasn’t even sure himself why he called her “sweetheart” in his native tongue. He’d never in his life called a woman that. It slipped out around Lily, and it unnerved him.Babushkawould have a field day with that little nugget of information.

“What it means doesn’t matter.” He brushed the question aside. “Are you ready for this, Lily? Really ready for it? You have to be sure.”

“I…I don’t want to live like this anymore, terrified, unable to show anyone how much I care about them. I can’t even hug my mom.” She twisted her fingers, her anxiety easy to read. “Even if things don’t turn out with Adam, I want to be normal again, Nikoli. I want to have what everyone else has—someone who loves them, a family. I need to be able to be touched for that to happen.”

Nikoli watched so many emotions run rampant across her face. He couldn’t even begin to fathom all the pain this woman had gone through, but here she sat, stronger than most. Yes, she had a hang-up, but she was trying to get past it. She wasn’t taking it lying down anymore. To face your fears took more courage than people ever gave you credit for. He’d faced a few demons himself, so he understood. Lily wasn’t just special—she was extraordinary.

“Then you’ll have it, Lily. I promise.”

“What about you, though?” she asked.

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