Page 8 of The Healing Touch

“I was three. Got lost at the mall.”

“And?” he prompted when she stopped talking.

“No one found me until the next day. My mom forgot she’d taken me along. Forgot about me entirely until my dad came home the next day. He’d been out drinking all night. Went looking for me and when he couldn’t find me, well, he beat the shit of my mom and came and found me. I’d crawled under one of the tables in the food court.”

How the fuck did someone forget about their kid? Dimitri’s fists clenched. He didn’t even want to think about the physical violence she’d witnessed and maybe been a victim of herself.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He stretched out beside her on the bed so he could look at her instead of that damn lace.

“My mom had problems.” Her voice went soft. He knew she was struggling. Without thinking, he grabbed her hand and held it tight. “She was bipolar and had a serious cocaine addiction. Some days she forgot to eat, forgot to bathe, forgot everything. Forgot me and my brother. There were good days and bad days. She’d be the most amazing mother one day, and the next I’d come home to the cruelest person alive.”

“She hit you?” Dimitri’s entire body curled with the desire to hit something himself, anything. How had he never known this? Why hadn’t he taken her home? Picked her up for school? He wanted to scream with fury at himself for letting his best friend suffer when he might have been able to help her.

“No…well, not much. My mom did believe in the old adage, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child, apply the rod and save the child.’ I was rarely on the receiving end of a belt. The one time my dad found out, he went ballistic. He used the belt on her. It was the last time she ever hit me with it.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen.”

He jumped up, not trusting himself. He walked over to her window and braced his hands against the windowsill. Her freshman year. He’d never looked past the sweet girl in the library. He’d been more concerned with football and getting laid. Fuck it all.

“There’s nothing you could have done, Dimitri. Don’t blame yourself for things that weren’t your fault.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was harsh, and Becca cringed.

“Shame? Embarrassment? Take your pick, D. No one wants their only friend to look at them in pity. I handled it.”

His shoulders heaved. Becca couldn’t tell if he was just breathing hard or if he might be more upset than she thought. It was something she never told anyone about. She still dealt with her mother. The woman wasn’t addicted to drugs anymore, but she still went weeks without taking her meds. When her dad passed away from a heart attack a few years ago, she’d found a place that specialized in mental illness. It wasn’t a hospital so much as a retirement community with a staff trained to deal with mental health issues.

“Tell me, Rebecca. Tell me all of it.”

She didn’t know if she wanted to tell him. Her shrink grilled her enough on it. Dimitri was the one person she had who didn’t know anything about her dysfunctional family. He never judged or pitied her. He accepted her. She wasn’t ready to lose that, and if he knew all about her fucked-up past, she might. He’d still be her best friend, but would he ever look at her without pity after he learned it all?

But then, he didn’t get to know the real her, did he? Only the person she let him see. The person she let everyone else see. She didn’t let anyone in, not even Dimitri, but he’d stuck around even when he didn’t have to. Kept in touch. He was the one person she wanted to talk to every day. Dimitri and her brother Jackson were the only two constants in her life. He deserved to know the real her.

Dimitri turned to face her, and Becca sat up when she saw the raw agony on his face. This was part of the reason she’d kept him in the dark. He loved his family, and he considered her family. He’d take her pain personally. She knew it killed him thinking he might have helped her.

“I mean it, Becca. I want all of it.”

Those memories were hard for her, and she didn’t want to end up in another panic attack today. “I will tell you, I promise. Just not all at once and not today. I need to do it my way in my own time.”

He didn’t look happy, but he nodded. “Then tell me how all this translates into the panic attack you had earlier.”

“It’s the crowds.” Becca pulled her legs under her. “I don’t remember much about the day I got lost, but I remember the panic and the fear. I couldn’t find my mom. All those faces. The noise. It only made it worse, and when I figured out my mom wasn’t coming for me, I hid. I was so scared. It did something to me, Dimitri, something I can’t explain. It only worsened as I got older. School was a nightmare for me. It wasn’t until I met you that it got easier. That hour you were with me, it wasn’t so bad for a little while. You made it easier to breathe, easier to deal with all the panic. You always have.”

He rolled his shoulders then took off his jacket, throwing it on the bed. His muscles rippled with each movement, and she turned away. He couldn’t see how he affected her. She didn’t want any more pity directed at her. Becca knew the kinds of women Dimitri dated, and it certainly wasn’t her. Besides that, she valued their friendship too much to ever risk ruining it with sex.

“Do you go to therapy?” He sat back down next to her, and she fought to stay still. Having him this close to her wasn’t a good idea. It made her feel too much. Not panic, though. He’d never set off that reaction. No, Dimitri was like the anti-panic medication. He kept her calm.

“Yes. My doctor has been treating me for the last five years.”

“What does he say about all this?”

“She.” Leave it to Dimitri to think all doctors were male. He stereotyped too much. “Dr. Gainey understands it better than I do. She’s been pushing me for years to face my fear instead of accepting it and medicating me. She even accused me of using it as a crutch to get out of things I didn’t want to do.”

“Is she right?”

“Maybe.” Becca shrugged. While her anxiety was very real, she wondered sometimes if she didn’t use it as a means of escaping anything that made her uncomfortable.

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