Page 6 of I Need You to Read This
He picks up a piece of paper on his desk and begins to read: “This was in response to a woman who wrote in feeling distressed about growing older:I wonder if you are not missing your youth at all—being young is never as easy as we remember it—but rather the feeling of being true to who you are, of letting time stretch out in front of you in such away that you don’t need to guard it or worry about its end. Or maybe you miss feeling hopeful.”
He puts the page down. “You wrote that, correct?”
“I did.” Alex feels her face growing hot. Is he really saying he liked her answers? It is such a wild idea that her brain spins. She begins to feel flustered.
“Pretty insightful stuff.”
“Oh?” she says, her voice thin and strangled. She can’t let herself hope. Until this moment she didn’t even know this job was something she wanted. But she finds to her own surprise that she does. She wants it more than she has ever wanted anything.
“What is your current position?”
“Well, um, I work in pharmaceutical copywriting currently. Not at an office, I work from home. It’s not my dream job, but it’s given me a chance to practice writing and practice delivering on a deadline. Though to be honest, the subject matter isn’t exactly something I’m passionate about.”
He nods and leans back, tenting his long fingers in front of him. She feels that she can see the gears in his head spinning. “Can I ask what made you apply for this position?”
“I just saw the application and thought why not, I guess. I have been a fan of Francis—Dear Constance, I mean—for years and years. Her columns have given me so much. Really more than I could even say.”
She continues, cautiously, noticing the pained smile on his face.
“She got me through so many troubled times. In fact, every time I smell fresh newsprint it brings me immediately back to reading Dear Constance. The column was the thing that kept me sane, the one constant in my life that felt safe and secure.” Alex’s fingers find her sleeves and pull. “Francis is—was—a hero of mine.” She pauses, unsure how exactly she should acknowledge the other giant in the room. The one who is dead. The air in the room shifts.
Howard’s hooded eyes flick to Alex. His interview persona is suddenly gone. He leans in now, his arms resting on the desk confiding inher. “Listen, I worked with Francis for over thirty years. There was no one, and I meanno one, as perceptive as she was. We all know there will never be anyone like Francis Keen. She is irreplaceable. But Dear Constance is a pivotal part of theHerald. Readers love to have an escape from the news. They love to see problems being solved for a change.” As he speaks, he spins his gold wedding band with his thumb. “It helps people to be able to focus on sometimes smaller but no less important problems.”
“I can see that,” Alex says. “The day-to-day is all we really have control over. You can’t solve wars in other countries, or end poverty, not as an individual human being. But perhaps you can mend a rift with your in-laws or help someone in need of encouragement.”
“Exactly!” He bangs a hand down on his desk.
She is enjoying Howard’s intensity, his take on the world. She can see right away the qualities he has that would make him a great editor, legendary even.
“You understand. I had a good feeling about you, Alex Marks. Not everyone can do what you did with these letters.” He jabs his finger down onto the paper in front of him. “Hell, almost no one can. That kind of wisdom. We were very impressed with your answers. There were none that we felt even compared, honestly. We are prepared to offer you the job on a probationary basis.”
The words rush out, washing over her so quickly that as soon as he stops speaking Alex immediately wonders if she just heard them. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” He allows a smile now. “Starting next week. If you are still interested, of course.” Alex feels her mouth open and close uselessly as she tries to absorb what he is saying.
“It would be such an honor, I don’t even know how to respond,” she says.
Howard nods. “You have to know that this isn’t just a job. It’s a vocation. It can be a lot of work and very consuming reading people’s struggles every day. Kind of like being a therapist, except your advice is out there for the public to read. And criticize.” He raises his eyebrows. “It’s a good thing usually, but it does make you more exposed.”
Alex’s chest tightens at the wordexposed. The application, this meeting, they were all pretend up until now. But if she is really going to do this, it will require her to put herself out there, her name.Oh God, her photo?She can’t. This just won’t work.
“I don’t mean to dissuade you,” he says quickly. “This is the kind of job that is truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It will give you more than you could possibly imagine.”
“Oh, I know, and I am so grateful. It’s just…” What should she say? That she has been in hiding for years and barely leaves her apartment? His eyes flick to his computer screen. Alex realizes that he must have other, more urgent issues to address. She has to tell him. She’ll thank him and say that he’s made a mistake, that she can’t take the job.Go on, Alex, tell him now. But the words remain lodged in her throat. How could she possibly say no to being edited by Howard Demetri? She doesn’t want to turn it down.
She wants this job more than she has ever desired anything in her life. All these years she’s tried to stay safe at the expense of so much. And now she is nodding yes like a big fool.
“That’s great news, Alex. We are absolutely delighted. You’re going to do great here.” He looks relieved, doesn’t he? “Jonathan will send you an offer letter this afternoon.”
“When would you like me to start?”
“We were hoping to have you in and going on Monday. That will give you enough time to turn a column in by next Friday morning and I can edit it to run in Sunday’s paper. There are mountains of letters piling up in that old email account. It’s summer. This seems like as good a time as any for a relaunch. What’s better for escapism than other people’s problems?” He gives her a rueful grin and she sees the younger version of Howard Demetri, the one from the old Kodachrome-tinted photos she saw online. The charmer. So he is going to be the one editing her column. The thought of it gives her a shiver of excitement and fear.
“I’ll do my best.” She finds herself grinning back at him. Her new boss. Her heart swells with gratitude for the opportunity he’s given her.
“If all that sounds amenable to you? I assume you’ll have to put insome sort of notice at the pharmaceutical company.” He says the last few words with more than a tinge of sarcasm.
“Yes, of course. All of that is fine. I might just be a bit in shock,” Alex says breathlessly. She will do anything she can to make him glad he hired her.
