Page 29 of I Need You to Read This
“You guys, I really don’t want to lose my job,” Alex protests.
“And you’ll have to be able to give them something, too, in exchange for information,” Raymond says, drumming his fingers on the counter. “These things never come free.”
TWENTY-SIX
When Alex walks into theHeraldon Monday morning, something in the air of the office has shifted. The first difference is Jonathan, who actually lifts his head from his phone to look at her, an inscrutable expression on his face. He’s not the only one. The sounds of keyboards and chatter stop as soon as she enters the newsroom. People’s heads snap up from their monitors. She watches, confused, as colleagues she’s never spoken to, who have kept their distance since she started working to the point where Alex felt nearly invisible, follow her with their eyes as she walks toward her office.
Her anxiety grows as she walks past them. Do they know something she doesn’t? Jonathan rushes through the newsroom after her. “Howard wants to talk to you later,” he says breathlessly. “Is it all right if I send him to your office?”
“Of course,” Alex says, very anxious now.He’s going to fire me,she thinks with sudden clarity as she continues through the newsroom.The reception for the column was terrible.For the first time she feels relieved to disappear into the isolated hallway and to shut herself in her remote office.
She hasn’t even sat down at her desk when her office door swings open.
“Congratulations on your first column, Alex,” Lucy says, lettingherself in. Before Alex can get irritated that Lucy didn’t knock, she notices that she’s holding two paper cups from the café across the street. “Americano, right? With a splash of half-and-half?”
“How did you know?” Alex takes the coffee from her and sits down.
“Us assistants have our sources.” Lucy smiles mischievously. “Oh, and I got you a muffin too. Chocolate chip.” Alex cringes inwardly. She must have seen the sad remnants of her dinner last week and thought it was something Alex actually enjoyed.
“Thank you so much, Lucy. So thoughtful.”
“You must be so happy that’s it’s done so well,” Lucy says.
“What? It has?”
“I mean, I think so, it’s everywhere. All over social. I’ve had people who don’t even know I work with you post about it.”
“You have?” Alex says, hiding her discomfort by taking a sip of coffee. The whole thing should have adrenaline surging through her, but instead she feels a strange flatness. Maybe she is just too tired to fully appreciate it. Alex knows that there is something else too. There is a larger part of her that worries that it was just a fluke. That she won’t be able to sustain it week after week and, if she’s lucky, year after year. That eventually she’ll be found out.
“Anything else I can do for you before I take these rejects down into storage?” Lucy asks, picking up a bin of discarded envelopes.
“No, you’ve done so much already, Lucy. I really appreciate it.”
There is a noise in the hall, the tap of shoes on the linoleum drawing closer.
“Do you think that’s Howard?” Lucy says, her eyes wide.
“It could be. He said he wanted to stop by.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she hisses. Alex can see the rapid rise and fall of Lucy’s chest.
It’s a strange thing to say, Alex thinks. Why should it matter what Alex tells her? But Lucy is turning around the office looking for another way out. “Are you okay?” Alex asks.
There is a knock on the door. Howard’s voice, low and distinctive: “Alex! May I come in?”
“Alex, please. I don’t want him to see me.” Lucy’s voice is brittle, panicked. At the last second Alex moves her legs out of the space under her desk.What the hell is going on?
Alex doesn’t have time to make sense of it. Whatever the reason, her assistant is terrified of Howard Demetri.
“Quick, under here,” she whispers. Lucy drops to the ground, curling up under the desk.
Thank you,she mouths.
“Yes, of course,” Alex calls out as Howard slowly opens her office door. He steps inside, looking around as if he expects someone else to be there. Alex makes a show of looking up from her computer and giving him her most natural fake smile.
“May I?” he asks, and without waiting for an answer, he takes the chair from the corner and pulls it to the front of Alex’s desk. He sits and crosses one long leg over the other. If Howard has any embarrassment about cornering her in the hallway the other night, he makes no sign of it. Maybe he doesn’t even remember he was there. She thinks of the smell of whiskey, the way he could barely keep himself upright. She glances at his hand. The ring finger is still bare.
Howard clears his throat, settling back into the chair and giving her a secretive smile. “Do you know how many people have read your first column, Alex?”
