Page 346 of As the Rain Falls
“God, not only. No.” He shakes his head quickly, eager to explain himself. “Beyond what just happened, I want to… I want so many things.”
“Dating me?” I ask. “Getting to know me?”
“Yeah.”
“Do I make you feel good?” I wonder. “Even when I’m not having sex with you?”
Beckett nods, closing his eyes shut and inhaling deeply. “It’s so overwhelming. You’re very… very overwhelming to me.”
“Oh.”
I freeze, knowing what he means despite of the clumsy way he decided to put it. Itisa bit overwhelming to let him in at times. Not totally in a good way yet because we’re both a little broken, but just good enough to make you want to stay forever and see what happens in the long run.
“I never thought I’d feel that way,” I admit, tracing the smooth line of his profile with my gaze. “Not just physically.”
“Me neither.”
“What about Alex?”
He shakes his head. “It wasn’t like that before.”
“What’s so different about it?” I kiss his cheek. “You really loved her.”
Beckett smiles without showing teeth, his eyes looking a little shinier in the dark. “You really want to talk about it?”
“Yeah.” I grin, happy to listen. “You’re massaging my ego. I really like that.”
His dark chuckle makes my chest shake, and I realize how silly my question is. If Beckett really liked someone else, he’d probably be going after them right now. His gaze would be heated for someone else, someone other than me.
A moment later, he explains.
“There’s this very interesting philosophical concept about… about how time repeats itself. Every single thing repeats itself time and—time again, like we’re in a loop.”
Every single hair in my body starts to rise.
Beckett takes my hand, holds it tight, pressing my palm against his, and playing with each of my fingers. His skin brushes against mine, and it feels like handling tiny bursts of electricity, watching them implode only to rise again out of nothing.
“Sometimes, I feel things for you that are not even there yet, but I still feel them coming like… like waves,” he clears his throat, and a pink shade starts to spread from the tip of his nose towards the highest parts of his cheeks. “It’s likeknowing. I see myself far ahead when I haven’t even hit the curve.”
I nod slowly, smiling now, too.
“I know that.”
“Yeah?”
I smile. “I feel it too!”
He smiles too. “That’s how I know I’m going to love you.”
Shock crosses my face. “Love?”
Beckett’s grin widens. “Does it really sound that absurd?”
“I… I don’t know!” I press my lips together, feeling my face heat up. “Love is a lot!”
Beckett kisses the back of my hand, bringing it to his naked chest. “I think it’s just enough.”
“Well, maybe toyou, Mr. Romantic—”
