Page 333 of As the Rain Falls
I tilt my head down to kiss her forehead. “The kind you won’t find at the supermarket?”
“There’s a carambola tree not too far away from the river,” Well answers by pointing his finger towards a familiar path, which I recognize as the one leading toGrande Roche, by far the largest river in Le Port. “Lots of fruit there you can eat from.”
“Is it like star fruit?” Cassandra perks up, green eyes shining with curiosity. “I don’t think I’ve ever had caram…carambolabefore. Can I go take a look?”
“Not alone, no.” Her lips purse into a pout. I kiss her cheek, unashamed to love her in front of my boss. Old Well is family. “I don’t want you getting lost.”
“You can come with me,” she offers.
“I have work to do.” I take another bite of her food, tasting the faint sweetness in the sauce. She’s not a bad cook. “Help me groom the horses, and I’ll take you after.”
“Deal.”
And then, it hits me. The reason why it bothers me so much that Lucia isn’t here.
We were supposed to have a lifetime together, the three of us. Halloween parties, birthday celebrations, Carnival nights. She was supposed to be here, watching me fall in love for the first time, teasing me about Cassandra while I tell her how I’ve never felt like this before.
It feels like a slap in the face that she won’t. And worse, I’m starting to believe that my father is right. Maybe I did play a part in this.
I didn’t pick up the—
Cassandra laughs after something Well says, a stupid joke, and my heart cracks open. She’s so carefree, so present. This day would have been perfect with my sister by my side, laughing at me for being so ridiculous about her.
But I’ll take what I can get. I’ll bring my girl to every tree on this farm and give her every fruit she’s never tried before. I’ll keep her safe, let her giggle at the dumbest jokes an old man can tell.
I won’t take any of it for granted.
I’ll love her.
I’ll learn how to do it right.
I won’t walk away, not even if gods themselves tell me to do it. Because nothing feels more excruciating than wasted love when there’s nowhere else for it to go.
You’re depressed,a voice whispers in my head.
It stings. It’s a thought I’ve been ignoring for a long time, and maybe I shouldn’t, but there’s no manual to this. I’ll be grievingmy sister until the day I die, and it’s the least I can do as a brother.
I miss Lucia.
I really, truly do.
Cassandra kisses me softly, pulling me back to the present. I hold onto that. I let it anchor me, drowning out the ringing in my ears that tells me this happiness is fleeting.
That no matter how hard I try, it can’t last.
***
Cassandra walks a few steps ahead of me, too excited about adventuring to stick by my side. I want to tell her to slow down, but I don’t.
She looks so damn happy.
One second, we’re talking about something silly Antony said in class and Mateo’s ridiculous response, and the next, we’re silent, just breathing.
I’m absolutely dying to kiss her.Each time she looks back, her gaze drifts to my mouth, and my chest tightens.
This might be it.
And then, it’s not.
