Page 280 of As the Rain Falls

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I push every thought away, rejecting to face the truth. I can’t do this right now, or ever. I don’t want to think about it any longer.

It makes my head throb.

Nobody sees me.

Not my mother, not my father, but what about my body?

Why does he get to take the only body I get to have?

They’re all walking around the house likeheisn’t ruiningmybody. It’s becoming a body that’s cursed to swallow down pain and knows how to digest it.

I can feel it in my bones, how he keeps rearranging them again and again. I am being broken to pieces and rebuilt to fit a mold that looks a lot like somethinghelikes. He is completely destroying me, making me docile and weak.

Nathaniel is hunting me, suffocating me, killing me. I am being chased, targeted, and I’m a…

I’m a victim.

He grunts harder, and his moans turn louder.

I’m too young, too small.

I’m just a little girl.

Please, I’m just a baby.

I don’t knowanything.

He tells me what to do, where to stay, and how to take it.

I love my brother; I want him to feel good, so I just listen.

How many…

No.

No?

This isnottrue.

This isnotreal.

His breathing is harsh, his pace is unrelenting. I make a sound, small and helpless, asking him to stop as my vision starts to darken.

“Are you okay?” André asks me, looking completely scared and frantic. “Oh my God! Did I hurt you?”

I want to be anywhere else.

I want to be someone else.

Someone good.

Someone great.

Someonebetter.

“I’m okay,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. He pulls away from me, horrified with himself. “I’m okay, André. God, I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

I’m okay.

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