Page 55 of As the Rain Falls
“Go upstairs, Cassandra.”
I take a step towards him, feeling weak in the knees. “I’m really sorry.”
“Just go, please!”
I nod quickly and climb up the stairs, stepping lightly so as to not make any sound. When I reach the second floor, I stop by my bedroom door and listen, waiting to hear what they’re saying to each other now that I’m supposed to be away.
“This temper you have, Nathaniel.”
“Dad, I was just trying to help you.”
Dad ignores him. “I’m telling you right now, it’s a problem.”
“Gee, I wonder where I got it from,” Nathaniel talks back, which is about the worst thing he can do. “What’s that saying again? The apple never falls too far from the tree.”
Dad smacks him one more time, the sound of a loud slap cracking through the air. I bring my hands to my chest, feeling the way my heart is palpitating with distress. I don’t like it when he beats one of us, especially Nathaniel. My brother doesn’t like to show it, but it hits him hard. Besides, it only means that I’ll have to pay for it later, when our father is no longer around.
“You are a fucking disgrace!”
“She’s the one who did this!” my brother snaps, his voice raw and hurt. “She keeps fucking… pushing me by never doing as she’s told!”
I hear him shove a chair, probably because he can’t hit anything else. The scrape of wood on tile rings out, the sound uncomfortable.His next words are quieter, more controlled.
“You told me to look after her. To be a good brother. That’s all I’ve been doing. I’m working hard to take care of her, making sure she is around good people.”
“Working hard?” Dad scoffs under his breath, sounding more condescending than anything else. “I’m busting my ass off every damn day, Nathaniel. Real hard work, that’s what I’m doing. But you? You don’t care about that. You don’t care about hard work.”
I place a loose strand of hair behind my ear, breathing through my nose. Watching the fight unfold, my father rehashing the same points we’ve already discussed a thousand times, is exhausting. I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore.
“You don’t care about going to school or getting a job, not since you’ve had your way with her. You’re only wasting my time, boy. That’s what you’re doing.”
“Will you ever stop holding everything about that night over my head?” Nathaniel groans, raising his voice again like a child that’s about to have a tantrum. “What about her? What about what she did? I was drunk, but she was right there, Dad. She didn’t try to stop me!”
That’s another lie,my brain screams it.
He is lying about how you felt, and you know that.
“Keep. Your. Voice. Down!” Dad stops him by slapping him again, sounding venomous. “Have you lost your mind? Do you want our neighbors to hear you talking about this?”
“You hate me for what I did,” Nathaniel concludes, his voice shaking. “You really fucking hate me.”
“That’s because I see right through you, boy. Your biggest mistake is believing that I don’t,” my father laughs, cold and humorless. “You’re just like your grandfather, Nathaniel. You only want what you cannot have, and I can see you want her. She’s your own sister, goddamn it! You’re a sick fuck!”
Stop fighting.
Just stop fighting.
Ihate itwhen people fight.
“You can cuss me out all you want, but we both know the truth. She let it happen, Dad,” Nathaniel spits out, his voice more dangerous than before. “She could’ve pushed me off, screamed at me or yelled for help, but she didn’t. It’s what makes it worse for you, isn’t it? That she didn’t.”
I wait, desperate for my father to defend me, to take my side in this because he knows Nathaniel is not telling the truth.
I wait for him to say something.
Anything at all.
I didn’t want to.
