Page 53 of As the Rain Falls
Everything burns.
We lock eyes, and mine widen when I notice the state of his pupils, completely blown wide.
“Are you high right now?” I ask. “Nathaniel, you were driving!”
“When you do shit like this, you know, like lying to me.” He pauses his frantic speech to clean up his nose. “It really makes me want to kill you, Cassandra. You have no fucking idea, do you?”
I turn to hide my face, bracing myself for whatever comes next, so he won’t hurt me again.
“Stop!”
“Who is he?” He shakes me, and the back of my head hits the wall. “Who is the guy you’re talking to?”
“There is no guy!”
“What the fuck is going on here?” Dad’s voice cuts through our yelling match. He drops the suitcase in the parlor and slams the front door shut, turning the key. “I could hear you from outside, brawling like children.”
“She dropped the chicken!” Nathaniel lets me go, shoving me away. I nearly trip on my own two feet. “What are we supposed to eat now?”
Dad looks at me, confused. I wipe my tears, feeling nothing but shame.
“That’s not…” I stare at the floor, knowing he won’t believe me either. “I got distracted, Dad. I didn’t mean to!”
“Come here.” He holds out his hand towards me, trying to move away from my brother and towards him.
I hug myself again and shake my head, telling him no. The sides of my face and the back of my head are now throbbing with pain.
“Stay back, there’s glass everywhere,” I cry harder, and the sobs come out of me in choked-up bits that I can’t control.
“I’m not barefoot,” Dad insists. “Its fine.”
Desperate to clean things up, I turn to Nathaniel again.
“What are you staring at me for?” my brother curses.
“Can I go get the broom?” I ask, not knowing what else to do. “I can help clean this up. I can fix everything—”
“For fuck’s sake. Just take my hand, Cassandra,” Dad’s voice hardens, not leaving room for any discussion.
I hesitate but end up doing it, turning my back to Nathaniel. My father pulls me into a hug, but it’s not exactly comforting. It’s more meant to keep me away from my brother.
His touch unsettles me just as much as Nathaniel’s does. I smell cigarettes all over his open-collar shirt, and it makes me want to throw up. I swallow back bile. Now is not the time.
“What the fuck are you doing to her?” My father asks, addressing Nathan. “Why is she shaking like that?”
I breathe harshly, starting to panic, “Don’t yell at him!”
My brother rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up in the air. “Oh please, she wasn’t doing any homework. Your daughter was whoring around, talking to boys, like she always does. Ask her!”
“I was… I was not!” I yell, louder this time, annoyed thatthisis even being brought up again.
It happenedonce. A long time ago, at that. Nathaniel caught me talking to some boy on the phone, and he made my life miserable for months afterwards.
“Why can’t you believe me? I just told you that I was talking to Kayla!”
“Because I know girls like you!” Nathaniel gestures towards me, pointing out how I’m dressed.
My pajamas are thin, but the weather gets pretty warm late at night, and my room gets too hot. I can’t stand to wear anything heavier than this.Nathaniel knows.He knows, and it’s precisely what makes everything worse.
