Page 378 of As the Rain Falls
“I’ll kill you, Cassandra.” He tilts his head, unaware of the threat looming behind him, and adds. The words sound a little too calm, like a secret being confessed. “Youknowit wasn’t all that hard killing Lucia. I’ll do the same exact thing to you.”
My brother reaches into his back pocket and pulls something out. It’s a piece of fabric, yellow and frayed.
Lucia’s headband.
The one I kept underneath my pillow.
The one thing that belonged to her that I stole.
I never got to give it back.
“She’s gone, isn’t she?” Nathaniel sniffs it once before letting it flutter to the ground like something already dead. “And nobody ever found out.”
Beckett’s eyes drop to the floor, where the yellow headband is. I watch him stop cold like everything is happening in slow motion, his mind rushing to put the pieces together just like I did back in December.He should’ve been able to guess since the fundraiser, but the most obvious answers are often the ones we consider the least.
“Told her I’d do it. Fucked up her tires. Followed her car. Scared her off the road.” Nathaniel adds, sounding almost proud, “I did it all for you.”
“I never asked you to do this!” I shake, tears sliding down my face. “I never wanted this!”
“Oh, that’s so fucking easy, isn’t it?” my brother laughs humorlessly. “To put all the blame on me? She threatened me first! Lucia tried to tear us apart, and now you’re throwing it all away because you’re such a whore!”
“You’ve done nothing but hurt me!” I say each word clearer than the last. “I hate you! I hate you so much!”
His expression shatters. “You don’t mean that.”
“But I do!”
“Let’s just go home, Cassandra,” Nathaniel whispers, more desperate now. “Aren’t you tired of fighting this?”
And it’s disturbing,trulydisturbing, to watch him shift like this. My brother still has a gun to my head and murder in his eyes, but his voice sounds more broken than ever, changing to whatever mask will make me break.
“You love me.” He reaches out, tears welling in his eyes, as if he’s the one who’s been wronged and not the other way around. “I know you love me.”
“No!” I shake him off, barely recognizing my own voice anymore. “You really are a monster!”
His lips tremble pathetically, and for a moment, I even think he might cry. I don’t let myself be fooled, because I know the softness is just another manipulation. It’s all another lie.
“How could you do this to me? You ruined my body!” I ask, my voice cracking under the weight of it all. “You made me feel… You raped me, and you killed her. You… I’ll never forgive you!”
Nathaniel flinches.
And then, I feel myself losing it again.
It hurts.
Everythinghurts.
“I really wish you were dead!”
Everything stops.
Beckett meets my eyes for one breathless second. The moment hangs between us, and I see deception, heartbreak, and even hatred. His expressions smooth out, replaced by understanding. It’s a punch in the guts. Even now, he is trying to keep his darkest emotions all reeled back in because there’s too much urgency in this moment to even begin to address my betrayal.
All because I didn’t tell him.
I lied to him. I did that, and we won’t be okay.
We won’t be okayeveragain.
