Page 375 of As the Rain Falls
The words feel like a punch in the guts.
Something about him contradicting me every single time makes me feel nervous. Nathaniel sounds too confident, and I’m not entirely sure that my thoughts aren’t tricking me.
“Still convincing everyone that poor little Cassandra is so broken and innocent, acting like you didn’t want this.” Nathaniel brushes his hair back nervously. “You want to know what I remember? How proud you felt about making me feel good.”
A flash of pain blinds my vision.
My head isthrobbing.
I clench my fists at my sides, ready to call for Beckett.
“Stop it! I don’t need to convince anyone of anything!” I inhale deeply, refusing to let him get to me. “They just need to see you for who you are!!”
“Oh, really?” he laughs sharply. “What aboutyou? You think Beckett knows the real you?”
He does.
I never lied to him about who I was or about what I felt.
Beckett knows me; he just doesn’t know the entire story.
I’ll tell him tonight, after this is done.
I’ll tell himeverything.
But when I try to tell Nathaniel all this, the words get stuck in my throat. I can’t get them out. I’m too scared to do it.
“You think if he did, he’d still want to hold your hand?”
He would.
He would, wouldn’t he?
Beckett is my friend.
He loves…
“You think he’ll still kiss you like that?” Nathaniel adds, his voice softer now. “Cassandra, you might not want to hear it, but he won’t understand what you’ve been through. I’m the only person who does.”
“You’re just saying this because you want to hurt me,” I counter, still seeing things clearly. “Can’t you see how manipulative this is? You want me to go against everyone I love!”
“Love?”
He stops himself, but it’s too late.
I see the amusement in his eyes.
“Tell me!” I snap, wanting to hear whatever ugly thing he’s been holding against me all along, so we can be done once and for all. “Say what you want to say!”
“Say what? How Iraised you? Because I did raise you, and now you’retwistingthings!” Nathaniel spits through clenched teeth. “When our parents were too busy with themselves, it was me taking care of you! And this is what you do? Turn me into the villain?”
“You hurt me!” I cry.
“I never hurt you!” my brother yells back. “You said yes every single time!”
I hear the noise of the door unlocking.
“Cassandra.”
