Page 364 of As the Rain Falls
How could I ever repay that?
There are no gifts in the world, no sacrifices I can give. She’s gone. I can’t even thank her for her kindness. It’s all wasted. The goodness in her, the thing no one got to see.
Did she try to warn others?
Did they just not listen?
What do I do with her loyalty?
How can I grow to become half as strong as she was?
Lucia was born that way, but she’s dead now.
I’m alive, in spite of not being nearly as courageous.
“Thank you for trying to save me, Lou. I hope you find some peace of mind, wherever you are,” I word vomit and swallow hard, feeling a lump around my throat. “It’s almost over now. I promise I’ll make everything right somehow.”
The sunlight feels softer now, no longer pressing me down, but touching my skin gently instead. The taste of the ocean lingers on my tongue, and for the first time in a while, I think about going for a swim before the sky turns dark.
Today is a good day.
I’m not getting many of those anymore.
***
“Should I tie the balloons together and build an arch or just leave them scattered?” I ask, holding up a pack of blue-colored balloons as I glance at Angelina.
“Do you know how to tie them?” she retorts, her fingers finally loosening their grip around the big wooden spoon.
Angelina’s been wrestling against the batter for ten minutes now, trying to get it as smooth as possible.
I shrug, thinking about watching a tutorial. “It can’t be that hard.”
The three of us, Kayla, Angelina, and I, are busy getting the apartment ready. The boys are supposedly at Silvio’s, distracting Mateo and keeping him away from the surprise.
Mrs. Pereira lives two streets down from Caleb’s cousin’s place, and the neighborhood is louder than what I’m used to. It’s a welcome distraction; right now, I need to be doing something other than thinking.
Things just… Haven’t been good lately.
“I think I don’t want to wear my dress.” Kayla winces, a small frown crossing her face, making her look gloomy. “Cass, do you still have that white skirt that fits me?”
I freeze. “It’s in my closet.”
“Oh. Can you pick it up before tonight? I want to wear it with my white top.”
I hesitate on what to answer.
I haven’t gone home in a while.
College results aren’t out yet, but I have an envelope in my backpack telling me what’s waiting for me in the next few weeks: the jury wants to meet me to discuss my case.
When I asked Antony about it, he told me not to worry too much. That, of course, only meant that I wasn’t passing. After that, my dad asked me to come to his office, begging for me tocome home so we could figure things out as a family. I could tell he was losing it. Me not passing wasn’t part of his plans.
You can’t stay at that boy’s house forever,he said.
It wasn’t like I was unaware of it. Still, the words stung.
It’s not like you don’t know where I am,I countered.
