Page 362 of As the Rain Falls
Her lips part like she wants to argue, but I shut her up before she can. My kiss is so steady and grounding. Cassandra still hesitates, her hands gripping my shirt and pulling back. It’s just enough to make me pause.
“Okay. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
“I just…” her throat bobs as she swallows. “I don’t want you to ever hate me.”
“Hate you?” I shake my head, cupping her cheeks. “Cassandra, that’s never going to happen.”
She exhales shakily. “You don’t know that. Nathaniel has done bad things, and sometimes I get caught up in it, and I… I just… I don’t want you to think…”
“I don’t,” I cut in, firm. There’s no way in hell that I’m letting him get in between us now. “He’s a manipulative bastard, Cassandra. Nathaniel is scared out of his goddamn mind because he’s losing you.”
“It’s not that simple, Beckett.” Cassandra gasps, startled. Her nails dig into my arm, gripping tighter. “It’s not about me, it’s…” She looks away, swallowing hard, but her fingers curl around my wrist, holding me, keeping me there. “I’m just so scared of losing you because of how he makes me act sometimes.”
“Come on.” I kiss the top of her head, a ghost of a smile flickering across my lips. “Nothing’s going to change how I feel about you, okay?”
Cassandra shuts her eyes, releasing a breath and a silent prayer.
“Okay,” she whispers, her voice barely audible. “You promise me, though? Nothing… Nothing is going to change?”
“I promise you.” I hug her tightly, not letting her go. “It’s all going to be alright. Just keep breathing for me and it’ll all befine.”
AN INTERLUDE
Beckett
We fell asleep afterthat, our bodies tangled together underneath the sheets. Her breathing was steady against my chest, and my arm was wrapped around her waist, keeping her tied to me.
At the time, I thought we’d made it through. Nathaniel would try something—I wasn’t entirely naïve to think he wouldn’t—but I believed he couldn’t come between us.
Our love was built on patience. I thought it could drown out the noise of everything else.
And yet, nothing ever unfolds the way we expect.
It wasn’t until much later, while I was stuck in an interrogation room, that I realized how Cassandra had beentryingto tell me something important that night.
The truth.
A truth so heavy, it clung to her days after. And I watched her slowly fall apart beneath the weight of it, feeling completely hopeless. Whatever fragile peace we’d built in the last month vanished out of thin air. She began to spiral again.
Cassandra stopped sleeping at night. She’d wake up trashing against me, begging me to get him off her. I’d find her in the bathroom without her clothes on, her cheeks flushed and her gaze so lost, staring at her shaky hands.
I can’t stop anymore.
It’s not working.
Why isn’t it working?
What is wrong with me?
She was getting sicker.
Haunted.
Distant.
Quiet.
Sometimes, she’d look at me like I was already gone, seemingly haunted by a ghost. And the more I tried to hold on, the more I felt her slip away. I should’ve let her speak. I should’ve listened, but I was never good at that. Not with Lucia. Not with her.
