Page 352 of As the Rain Falls
They kissed at the beach multiple times.
I’ve even seen the way Mateo looks at her sometimes, like she’s the only person he cares about in a crowded room. Shouldn’t it be obvious? Why can’t he just be a little understanding?
“It’s her fault!” Mateo groans. “I’m not a fucking ping-pong ball either, okay?”
“She’s not—” I explain. “Even if she acts all tough and unbothered, Angelina still has feelings. You can’t call her a bitch; it’s super hurtful!”
“If I can’t call her that, she can’t call me by that name either!” his voice is raw, filled with emotion. “It’s basically the same thing.”
I touch his shoulder lightly. “It’s really not. Gabriel is just a name, Mateo. You literally insulted her to her face.”
“It’s just a name to you!” He shakes my hand off him, his gaze flying back to the door in a desperate way. It’s like he can tell that he’s wrong and I’m right, but he doesn’t know what to do to fix this mess. “It’s the name he gave me!”
Oh.
This is what it’s about.
“Have you even ever told her why?”
Mateo’s shoulders tense.
“Angelina cares about you, but she’s not a mind reader, you know?” I add thoughtfully. “She’d never hurt you on purpose like you just did.”
If Angelina knew why the name bothered him, she’d stop. I know she would. She is blunt to a fault, but she isn’t heartless.It is, in fact, the biggest misconception people have about her personality.
“She went through a lot in the hospital. It really shaped who she is, and going back to school was really hard on her.” I clear my throat, finding it hard to explain what I get about Angelina that might not be so evident to others. “Angie has a lot of baggage, but she’s trying.”
“So am I,” his voice is quiet.
I don’t reply to that, knowing there’s always two sides to the same story. He might be wrong now, but there are things about him that no one else knows.
Every person has their own secrets, the little things they only allow a few designated people to see. I think Mateo is the kind of person who keeps every single one of his cards to himself. He isn’t like me, the kind of person who will fold as soon as they feel safe.
I wonder why that is.
Mateo shakes his head, forcing a smile. It doesn’t meet his eyes. His voice sounds vacant.
“I don’t want to play games.”
“Then why are you?” I ask softly, coaxing him towards the door.
“Because,” he exhales a soft, miserable laugh. “That’s the only way she lets me get close.”
“This is so toxic.” I shake my head tiredly, thinking of finding Beckett next. Angelina never comes to me when she’s too upset, not unless it’s about Lucia or topics we’ve already talked about before. “You should go find her right now and apologize.”
I want to hug my boyfriend, kiss him, and thank him for being such a gentleman when I’m in my weakest moments. I wouldn’t have been able to recover if he’d treated me the same way Mateo went about Angelina tonight.
“Yeah, I know.” He shrugs. “I’m always trying to do the best I can, but now I’m in too deep to stop.”
***
Except, things with Mateodon’tget any better.
In fact, it gets much worse.
I pull away from kissing my boyfriend just long enough to glance at Mateo and Angelina a few tables over.
We’re at Silvio’s again, which is becoming our traditional gathering spot. It feels nice to follow some kind of routine where I meet the same people, sleep next to the same boy, and avoid any upsetting feelings. I haven’t had a panic attack or some kind of tantrum in a few days, and when Beckett touches me, it always feels good.
