Page 344 of As the Rain Falls
I still can’t do it, though.
I can’t get where I want to be.
Where I need to be.
And it’s not because I’m lost in thought or because I’m scared.
It’s…
It’s my body.
It’s my body that’s broken.
“I can’t do it!” I roll my eyes with frustration, realizing that my stomach keeps tensing, but the feeling of anticipation doesn’t do anything other than build up and go nowhere. “I can’t come!”
“Shh.”
Beckett pulls my legs further apart, and his fingers curl slightly, pressing something that makes me jerk against him. My lower body rolls, hips chasing after whatever just happened a moment ago, and I instantly freeze with mortifying shame.
“Oh.”
I didn’t… know about this.
Nobody told me about this.
Every book, every movie, and every boy is all about sitting there and looking pretty as you take it, but this is notthat.
It takes me by surprise how this is us.
Meandhim.
I’m supposed to be here, mind and soul, as well as body. It’s exceptionally physical. Physical in a way I hadn’t thought about, it touches me in a way I hadn’t considered it would. It feels almost as good as swimming until you’re too exhausted, waking up after a nap in the summer heat, or when cotton candy melts on your tongue.
It’s sweet and innocent and so inherently good.
It feels like…
Like freedom.
And it dawns on me that I feel so much appreciation for Beckett in every uncertain, hopeful, heart-on-my-sleeve inch of me.
It might never stop.
I don’t want to make it stop.
I’m not even willing to try it.
“Beckett.” I press my hands to my face, an uncontrollable sob starting to come out of me. “It feels…”
Good.
It feelsgood.
Beckett lets his weight fall on top of me a little more, grinding against me as his finger comes out and back in. He touches my chin with his free hand, urging me to let my hands drop to the side again. I do, because I want him to see me, but the softness in his gaze makes me choke.
“Good,” I moan, clenching my eyes shut again. “Beckett.”
I don’t know if it’s this last move that does it, or if it’s how consistent his touch feels. I don’t know if it’s his scent and mine combined or the way his teeth pull my bottom lip, urging me to kiss him. How our teeth clash a little, and it’s awkward, but so infinitely… good.
