Page 325 of As the Rain Falls
I roll my eyes, suppressing a giggle.
“I like boys too!”
“Oh, I noticed that!”
Bitch.
“Sorry,” Angelina apologizes quickly before I can tell her to fuck off. Then she adds, a little more seriously, “Sometimes, I feel like I spent my whole life trying to find people who understood me.”
I nod. “I get that.”
“And then I ended up in the hospital,” she pauses, watching me carefully, waiting to see if I’ll react. I don’t. She continues, “Lucia had just died, and I felt so guilty. Each time I attempted and it didn’t go the way I planned felt like another failure. I’m a hard bitch to kill.”
“That must have been awful!” I swallow hard.
“It was,” she says flatly, sounding upset. “It was lonely. They wouldn’t let me see anyone but doctors at first.”
That’s so fucked up.
“I realized you have to be like me to understand me. Boys, they’re never going to get it.”
I breathe out, “They can’t.”
Because we are fundamentally different, down to our core. Not weaker, not lesser, but different. Girls have no other choice than to reproduce the same patterns, the same mistakes, and experience the same pain. We survive under the same stress and break under the same weight, in a way boys never have to.
“I sure hated Lucia,” her voice cracks. “But that was love too, you know? She was like a sister to me.”
“I know.”
I think about pulling her into a hug, but it doesn’t seem like she might appreciate the gesture. While we’re still getting to know each other, I don’t want to overstep or speak out of turn.
“I’m sorry you lost her.”
Angelina blinks hard, fighting back tears, her face grimacinglike this is the worst thing that could have happened to her. And it makes me think of Kayla… of losing my own best friend. The pain would be unbearable.
“I don’t want to lose a friend like that ever again,” she settles, clearing her throat. “That’s why I think that you should ask for help.”
“Help?”
“I have a therapist,” Angelina says carefully. “She works at this fancy cabinet downtown. She’s good, Cassie.”
“I don’t need a therapist, Angelina.” I shift uncomfortably. “I don’t need anyone.”
“Anyone but Beckett?” her tone is amused, and my face flushes hot at the sound of it. “He likes you, Cassandra.”
My stomach flutters with butterflies.
“I’m not trying to use him.” I blush.
“I don’t think he’d mind it if you were,” she jokes, glancing at her feet. Then, more quietly, she tries again, “Beckett is earnest to a fault. He’s all in, Cassie. No middle ground, and you can’t deny that.”
I swallow hard, listening to her every word.
“Maybe you don’t see it now, but something is really wrong.” Her brown eyes shift back to me. “And one day you’re going to look back and wish you’d gotten help sooner.”
“What happened with Caleb is…”
I close my eyes shut, trying to keep myself from oversharing, not wanting to spill more than I need to.
