Page 323 of As the Rain Falls
“No, I want you to feel what I felt!” her voice is sharper now, long black hair spilling over her chest like silk. “I was with Caleb for years before you even tagged along—”
I shake my head, cutting her off.
“I wasn’t the first girl he cheated on you with. You can’t seriously believe that this was his first time,” I point out, gesturing towards her.Sorry, Angie. “And if Caleb is really that crazy about me, what should I be making of all this? You don’t sound all that normal either.”
“You think I’m obsessed with you? Oh, please!” Her nostrils flare as she adds, with a hint of surprise. “What else? You really think I can’t get a boy like Beckett Evans?”
My memories rush me back to that night, in Beckett’s car. How he held me, reassured me, and kissed me. The words of comfort he gave me, promising to be different than Caleb. The answer slips out of me, so natural and easy, and it’s the one fact I don’t have doubts about in our relationship.
“I know you can’t.”
“Because he’s yours?” she says, her voice high-pitched enough to make a mockery out of me, but the way her eyes flicker back and forth are too nervous and unconvincing.
“Yes,” I pause, letting the word sink in for a moment before adding. “Beckettismine.”
The hallway is silent and empty, bright white light flickering every few seconds above us. If I focus long enough, I hear the sound of teachers lecturing coming through the walls.
My heart beats faster now, waiting for her response, knowing that I need to know she’ll back off. Not because I’m scared, but mostly because I’m sick of this.Ineedthis fight to end.
Maria’s demeanor slowly crumbles.I see it happen when she opens her mouth, ready to say something, but nothing comes out. No mean rebuttal, just teary eyes and shaky hands pressed against her stomach, as if fighting nausea.
She can’tstandthe fact that I get to walk away with something. Well, too-fucking-bad. I won’t feel guilty about falling for him while her relationship falls apart. Not when she had no sympathy for me before.
Nathaniel taught me at least one thing, and it’s that sometimes forgiveness needs to be earned. I would’ve never done the same things to her. I would’ve never showed her pictures to others.
I stare at her for another minute or so, finding it so strange that she’d go out of her way to try to freak me out about my new relationship before realizing what this really is.
Desperation.
“I’m not scared of you, you know?” I admit, more quietly. There’s far worse than her out there, waiting for me.
I don’t give her time to answer before stepping inside the bathroom. Maria doesn’t follow after me.
The adrenaline still pulses in my veins as I reach for the sink, catching my own reflection in the dirty mirror. My face is flushed, my pulse is racing, and I can barely recognize myself after staring for far too long.
I mean, who is this girl?
The one who gets small moments like this, glimpses of bravery?
I’m not her, that’s for sure.
Maria wants me to feel what she felt, but the difference between us is that I refuse to let Caleb or her haunt me like that.I’ve seen worse and survived worse. She’s just a petty high school kid I won’t be thinking about in a year or two.
I turn on the faucet, splash cold water on my face, and clean up the bits of smudged mascara sliding down my cheeks with uncertainty before wiping it off.
When I walk back out into the hallway, my heart is set on leaving this story behind me.
There’s nothing left to be said; it’s time to just let go.
***
“Ever think about leaving?” I ask, rolling the basketball toward Angelina. It’s early afternoon now, and we’re just two girls trying to skip the last hour of Government and Politics class, hoping not to get caught.
She catches it and rolls it back to me.
“Le Port?”
“Yeah.”
