Page 319 of As the Rain Falls
Her warmth engulfs me as she lets herself be pulled closer, and her scent—God, her whole being crashes into me.
“I hate him!” her voice is muffled against my neck. “I hate him so much!”
“I know.”
“What if… What if they laughed at me because of it?” she chokes out, sounding scared and insecure. “Just like… Just like Laura and the others did.”
“Then they’re stupid as hell, Cass,” I hesitate before pulling her back a little to wipe her tears. “And you shouldn’t be listening to them, okay?”
“But it’s all because…” her cries intensifies, tension making her body straighten against mine. “All because I’m notthatpretty. I’m… my body is just so… I feel so completelyruined.”
The objection is out before I can consider if it’s the right thing to say. “You’re not ruined, Cassandra.”
“Washed up,” she whispers, but it comes out more like a tortured sob. In moments like this, I am learning, she isn’t thinking straight anymore. Her own thoughts are replaced by Nathaniel’s. That’s how he comes back to haunt her, even miles away. “Just washed up enough to let him fuck me.”
“Shh, don’t say that,” I kiss her forehead, not liking her self-inflicted cruelty. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“I know.”
“I wish I could’ve helped you sooner.”
I dry all her tears one by one, but it’s still not enough, and the pain that lingers in her eyes splits my heart right down the middle.
“And you’re not washed up or wrong. You’re not dirty or used. You’re just hurting a little too much to be able to see you like I do.”
She studies me, the corner of her lips twitching to pull a smile. It’s maybe my least favorite habit of hers—how she forces herself to smile when she’s in pain.
“What do you see?” Cassandra asks. “What do you see that I don’t?”
“You’re beautiful.”
I touch her lips, her nose, and the small redness that’s forming near her hairline.
“The texture of your hair.”
The thickness of the strands, more specifically. They’re always flying each way, following the wind. She looks like the only person I want to see in the mornings and the only friend I want to ever spend my nights with.
“The bit of brown in your eyes.”
Her eyelids flutter shut, closing them. I touch the sensitive skin, feeling the wetness gathering underneath my fingertips.
“This little thing that happens with your nose whenever you’re feeling upset about something.”
Her eyes fly right open in shock.
“What?”
“It twitches.” I touch it, tracing the straight line, feeling her breath rising and falling. “I swear I’ve memorized how it moves by now.”
“You have?” She wonders.
“The way you speak certain words.” I pause before adding, “You pronounce every syllable so clearly when I never really do.”
Her eyes go round. “Beckett.”
“How you looked happier than you are now earlier today, standing by Kayla’s side.” I kiss her mouth, and the slight brush of our lips makes mine itch for more. “But still not as happy as you looked early this morning, lying in my bed, and wearing my clothes.”
“I…” She exhales quickly, overwhelmed. “You noticed that? How—”
