Page 302 of As the Rain Falls
“You get jealous of me?”
“Half of me thinks you’re still into Caleb.” Beckett clears his throat, sounding almost embarrassed. “I really hate that you ever went for him.”
“Because I thought you didn’t like me. Besides, I’m not into him at all.” I lean closer, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m pretty much a one-track-mind kind of girl right now.”
I could kiss Beckett for ages, though. He knows how to kiss me right. It’s slow but firm. He knows how to make me relax too, and before I know it, I want more.
This is definitely going to be a lingering issue.
“So we’re doing this,” I say, surprising myself with my own confidence. “You and I.”
He nods, unwavering, eyes not leaving mine. “You and I.”
“And it’s not because…” I clear my throat, thinking of all the things I’ve told him, all the bad stuff that’s happened to me. “It’s not because you feel some sort of moral obligation to be around me.”
“Cassandra, I’m not trying to date you out of pity,” his voice is firm, absolute. It leaves no room for doubt. “I’m allowing myself the chance to fall in love with you. And I want you to fall in love with me right back.”
“Love?” I whisper, uncertain. “What if I can’t do that? What if I never get there but you do?”
“That’s fine, too. I was your friend, once. I can be your friend again,” he promises, adding a little more quietly. “I just… I just want you to be safe while we try. We’ll figure something out before Nathaniel comes back, but until then, we’re going to need to have these awkward, difficult talks just to figure things out together. We’ll have fun too, I promise.”
“This is going to be totally embarrassing for me.” I groan, thinking about what just happened. Navigating a relationship with me isn’t going to be easy for him.
“It’s just me, though. Why should it matter?” He shrugs, the corner of his lips twisting. “I’ve watched you chase after Easter eggs in your backyard while wearing a pink bunny costume when you were ten.”
Heat rises to my face.
“What? You did?”
“Yes. And I saw you throwing little broken pieces of biscuits into our garden just to give Pepé half of your snack, too.” He kisses the side of my face, hiding a smile against my skin. “I remember you lying at the cafeteria about it being your birthday just to get two slices of pizza instead of one, only for it to bite you in the ass when the staff decided to sing for you in front of everyone.”
“It’s not my fault if it worked like a fucking charm every single time!” I giggle a little, my chest lightening. “And I always felt really hungry!”
“You did,” he agrees, sounding so enamored it nearly makes me sick. “But you’d still get so embarrassed then that even the tip of your ears would go red.” Beckett touches them, watching me blush harder. “Just like they are now.”
“I…” I take a deep breath, trying to rein in my emotions a little better. “I think I want to figure things out.”
The words feel so real, so true, unlocking a closed door in my brain. It’s a leap of faith, right? A leap of faith in myself. Can I have this, even if I don’t think I deserve it?
“Then, let’s do it.” Beckett plays with my hair, undoing a knot. “Be mine, Cassandra.”
I want to. I’ve been wanting this all along: someone who is kind and gentle. Someone deserving of my affection. Beckettcould be that person. I want him to be that person. I really want to try so badly.
“Will you… Just be patient with me while we’re falling,” my voice comes out small, too fragile. This is such a vulnerable moment for me. “I’m not just talking about today, but I’m really scared about this,” I confess. “I’ve never been someone’s… someone’s girlfriend before. You’re my first boyfriend.”
He’s myfirst.
I’veneverhad afirstbefore.
Beckett inhales sharply, pulling me in, making our foreheads touch again.
“I’m a little scared, too,” he admits, looking straight into my eyes. “Let’s be scared together, okay?”
I nod.
Maybe falling won’t be so terrifying if it’s with him as long as I don’t keep my eyes closed. I’m just hoping we’ll make it through today and then tomorrow.
PEPÉ DOESN'T FEEL JEALOUSY
