Page 284 of As the Rain Falls
She nods again, and I let the last piece of her clothing fall to the floor, the sound of it hitting the wet ground muffled by her hiccups.
“I wasn’t just saying it, you know?” My fingers find the curve of her shoulder, keeping her steady while I readjust the shower head, keeping it away from her damp hair. “I meant it.”
At last, I hear her exhale, her body slowly relaxing when our eyes meet again. Quietly, I shift my gaze away from her and reach for the shampoo.
My hands won’t stop shaking.
She swallows hard, eyelids fluttering shut.
“I know.”
RAIN, DARKNESS, QUIET CONFESSIONS
Cassandra
FEBRUARY, 2017
Beckett wraps me ina towel. The fabric is smooth beneath my finger, reminding me of the expensive ones my mother likes to buy for herself. Unlike my mother’s, this one smells exactly like him, which comforts me somehow.
He seats me gently on the bed before handing me an oldRed Hot Chili Peppersshirt and a pair of black boxers.
“I’m going to step outside so you can change.” A hand presses the towel to my face, wiping away the smudged makeup underneath my eyes. “Do you think you can manage that alone?”
I nod slowly, wetting my chapped lips. “Yes.”
He offers a tiny, tired smile in response. “Call me when you’re done.”
The door closes shut behind him.
All I can think about is how my body feels unbearably heavy. I said I could dress myself alone, but it takes everything in me to follow through and actually do it. I enter a state of exhaustion after I’m done putting his boxers on.
A faint scent of soap lingers on my skin.
I don’t know if I like it.
I press my nose against his shirt, absorbing the scent of him again. Somehow, it feels a little better.
My damn hair clings to my back, and his mattress is firmer than mine, altogether unfamiliar ground. I hesitate to lay down, unsure if he even wants me there to begin with.
Long minutes pass before Beckett knocks on the door again. I flinch, remembering now that I was supposed to call him after I was done.
He cracks the door open, eyes still so kind, seemingly not minding at all that I’m acting like a complete lunatic.
“Cass?”
“I’m done.” I pause, staring at my knees. “Do… Do I take the couch?”
He shuts the door behind him before stepping forward and kneeling before me. “The couch?”
“I…” I stall. My throat tightens. “I can take the couch.”
Beckett’s gaze softens. “Baby, you’re not taking the couch.”
“But I’m imposing.” I blink, my vision clearing out. He tucks my hair behind my ear, a glint of adoration in his eyes. My chest feels so warm. “I should leave.”
“No, you’re staying,” he interjects, stopping me before I can rise. “I want you to stay right here, right now.”
“I don’t want you to take the couch,” I whisper sadly.
