Page 272 of As the Rain Falls
I don’t say anything in response. She watches me for another second, hesitating before booping my nose.
“Stay safe, okay? Call me if you need a place to crash.”
“Don’t worry about me.” I force a tiny smile to come out. “I know how to take care of myself.”
Angelina lets me go, her pink lips pressing into a thin line.
She doesn’t look convinced.
***
A week later, all college applications are being sent.
I don’t think my results are good enough for college. I think I’ve skipped too many classes and bombed too many tests, and even though Mrs. Yun bumped my five to a six, it’s not enough to cover the wreckage of my transcript. If things keep going the way they are, I might have to stay in Le Port for another year, just like Antony did.
The thought absolutely terrifies me.
To distract myself, I unlock my phone beneath the table and start scrolling through social media. A new message pops at the top of the screen.
It’s from André.
I know of him; he’s cool.
He wants to hang out with me.
Should I go?
I slide my thumb to delete it but hesitate at the very last second.
“Who are you always texting?” Angelina slides into the seat next to mine, twirling a lollipop between her teeth. “Is it a boy?”
I shrug. “Random text.”
Kayla, sitting across from us, snaps.
“Am I the only one who cares about college applications?” She rubs at her temples, shoulders tight.
Antony hands her a stress ball.
“Deep breaths, Saint-Louis!” He smirks.
“I can’t take a deep breath, Tony. No deep breaths allowed!” Kayla squeezes the ball. Then, she turns to me, her expressionsoftening. “And I have to think about your college applications too!”
“No, you don’t.” I lock my phone and shove it in my pocket. “I’m going to be held back.”
“You won’t.” She starts to reason, acting all logical. “Not if you start putting in the work now.”
But I know better than that. I barely scraped by last semester, and I also completely blew our third year general exam. It happened a few days after Beckett showed up at my house, and I wasn’t ready to focus entirely on school yet, feeling too worried sick about my appearance.
“Not exactly, no.” I laugh, but it’s weak.
Antony catches it immediately, and gives me a sympathetic smile. He understands me better than the others do.
Though I don’t say it out loud, I really do appreciate that he isn’t pushy about it because unfortunately, I can’t say the same about my best friend.
The more she tries to make me fit this tiny little box of perfection, the more I feel my heart breaking. I can never be the girl she wants me to be. I will never be smart, or strong, or capable.
“What about doing your essays?” Kayla leans closer, reaching out to me. “I can help you write them, Cassie. It’s actually not that hard if you plan ahead.”
