Page 270 of As the Rain Falls
i’m fine, and you?
Beckett: I’m okay, too…
I miss you.
Me: i know.
I miss you too :(
Beckett: I miss you more.
He’s worried about me. I found him sleeping in Lucia’s bedroom because it faces mine, dropping by unannounced, more than a couple of times just to make sure I was okay. Yesterday, he even brought in Pepé just to cover up for the fact that he wanted to see me instead.
I don’t know what to do with the attention and affection. Even though I like him, and it seems like he might also really like me back, something about allowing him to come any closer feels off.
I don’t trust myself around him, and I don’t know if I trust him either. Last time I tried to be with a boy, I got pulled into a huge mess. God knows what my brother might do to me if he keeps coming around.
The texts I’ve been avoiding are piling up.
I scroll through them, feeling my chest tighten. Boys are always trying to start something now that they know how available I am. It’s unnerving. They won’t leave me alone, and I’m starting to hate this other type of attention. I don’t trust them either, not even for a second.
Kayla zips her backpack in silence, ignoring Angelina’s question. She throws one last glare at the board before muttering a curse under her breath. I follow her gaze, trying to see what’s bothering her so much. That’s when I realize that her name is surprisingly written underneath Alice’s.
“Hey.” I place my hand on her shoulder and squeeze it gently, trying to get her attention. “Are you okay?”
She doesn’t look fine.Her full lips are pursed into a small pout, and when she notices us staring at her, her face falls. I can even imagine a few cartoonish flames flying at the top of her head.
“This doesn’t make any sense. I’mneversecond place!“ Kayla mutters, shaking her head. “You know what that means, right? She’s got a better overall score!”
Alice snorts from across the room, filing her nails absentmindedly. Kayla tenses, pulling away from my touch, and Angelina and I exchange a look.
Mrs. Yun believes in fair competition. She ranks students by their overall score, and Kayla usually comes out on top. She’sthatinsanely smart. But today, her name isn’t coming up first. In fact, she’s second in line.
“Who are you laughing at, dickhead?” Angelina snaps, shoving her things into her purse angrily. “Leave Kayla alone!”
Alice tilts her head, smiling without showing any teeth. “Did I say something? I don’t think I ever even mentioned her name.”
“We know how to guess,” Angelina answers dryly. She glances at Kayla, who’s tightening her ponytail, fingers undoing her curlswhen she brushes them down the strands. “Kay-kay, don’t let her get in your head.”
“I’m not!” Kayla’s voice is sharp and defensive.
“Sure, you aren’t.” Alice’s smile lingers maliciously. Her eyes are soft as she stares at Kayla, but there’s nothing kind about her tone. “Don’t be so dramatic about it, Kayla. You’re still the golden girl.”
I grimace, knowing that this is the kind of comment that’ll only make things worse. The shift in Kayla is subtle, but it’s there: the set of her jaw, how her breathing slows, measured and controlled. She’s two seconds away from throwing a tantrum.
Next to me, Angelina seems to be losing patience as she exhales sharply, already over whatever this is.I suddenly share a similar feeling of wanting out of this stuffy classroom.
My clothes feel too tight around me.Nathaniel made a mean comment this morning about the way I wear my skirt, and his words are now a constant lingering reminder of how I look in somebody else’s eyes.
You wear your skirt like a fucking slut.
Pull it down.
I dig my nails into my palm, fighting the urge to scratch myself.
“Can we go now?” My voice comes out flatter than I first intended.
Angelina looks at me, realizing that I’m talking to her now.
