Page 259 of As the Rain Falls
Cassandra was out there, either avoiding us or unable to reach us. Either way, something felt wrong. It made me want to try going to her house later to see if she’d at least answer if I knocked on her door.
Antony’s eyes flicker to mine, sobering up. “You say the word, and I’m there.”
He touches the necklace around his neck. It symbolizes our friendship. The round pendants are not meant to look expensive, more so like a weight around our necks. The number three is engraved at the back.Fight Club.
“If she’s really in trouble with her brother, I mean.”
“Let me check with her first.” I offer, my fingers curling into a fist. “She might not answer, but I guess I’ll have to push my way in?”
Mateo nods. “Be careful though.”
I frown. “What about it?”
He winces, seemingly lost in thought. “Nothing, it’s just… In my experience, when you start digging into people’s families and pasts, that’s when things tend to get very messy very fast.”
***
I drop the boys off at Antony’s house—they’re having a sleepover—then drive Angelina back to her parents. The ride is long, but it helps me clear my mind. One name keeps running through my mind, keeping my thoughts alert.
“I can come with you,” Angelina offers when I park the car near her house, watching me carefully as I maneuver towards the main street. “What Antony said got me worried. What if something happened, you know?”
I shake my head, knowing there’s a huge chance Cassandra will pull away if she feels walls closing in on her.
“She’ll feel cornered,” I explain, trying my best to keep my tone kind.This is not an intervention. So far, I’m just checking on a friend. Making sure she’s not hurt or upset.
“Well, fuck,” Angelina curses, looking slightly unconvinced. Her stubborn mouth twists downwards with disapproval.
“Just… Do you like her or what? Because I don’t think you should be kissing her if you don’t mean it. You’re going to get her feelings all confused about you, and she’s already going through a lot.”
“I’m not.” I snap, wanting to stay quiet about it but feeling unable to. “I’ve never kissed Cassandra back and not meant it.”
“Yes, but all I’m saying is that whatever you two have going on…” She grimaces, reaching out to grab my arm. “I’ve heard the rumors, okay? And I’m not against her, or anything, but she goes from talking to one boy to the next.”
“So?” I say, protective of Cassandra. “Who cares what she does?”
“That’s her… Beckett, that’s her way of dealing with hard things.” Angelina licks her bottom lip nervously. “I can’t even believe I’m giving you the fucking therapist talk right now, but that’s her coping mechanism, okay? Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”
“I’m not like these guys, though,” I insist, feeling annoyed that she’d even go there. “I’m not playing with her feelings, Angelina. I actually care about her.”
“This is not about who you are as a person; it’s about your actions. If you care about her, put her first.” She retorts, not letting it go. “You always want to take care of everyone around you, so do it the right way.”
“Okay, Angelina. Just tell me one thing.” I shift towards the passenger seat, facing her now. “Is this about Lucia?”
Her round eyes narrow down. “No, stupid head. This is aboutyou. I’m beingyourfriend right now, as well as Cassie’s.”
I can’t deny Angelina has a point. Now is not the time to consider my feelings about Cassandra, but they’re present, no matter how much I try to fight them. It’s complicated to balance it all.
“You forget I’ve known you for a long time. It’ssolike you,” she continues, combing her hair nervously. “Losing your head over someone when you feel like they’ve been wronged. Beckett, no offense, but you’re stubborn as hell and unable to let go!”
I groan, “Well, you’re right about that. If she needs me, I won’t let go!”
“I’m not telling you to!” Angelina makes an exasperated sound. “And I don’t want to fight you, not when I feel like you’re just misunderstanding what I’m trying to say!”
“Then, don’t,” I state simply. “Why would I do anything to hurt her?”
“Because the people we love are the ones we tend to hurt the most,” she adds, a little softer this time. “I think you could be good for her. You’re kind and you’re sweet, but it won’t matter if you don’t take things slow.”
“Oh.” I wince, realizing that she means to call me out for what happened at Sainte Madeleine. “This really is about me kissing her back, isn’t it?”
