Page 221 of As the Rain Falls
But then, reality slams into me.
We’re at Angelina’s.
She’s sad.
She’s high and probably drunk, too.
I pull back first, my lips parting in surprise.
Cassandra’s breath hitches, close enough to my skin, a question in her eyes. She wants to do this again. She doesn’t understand why I’m even stopping. But I saw it earlier; I saw it in her eyes. She was using me for comfort.
I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want her to rush into my arms just because she feels heartbroken about breaking up with Caleb.
“Cass,” I speak, forcing a whine down my throat. She tastessogood. “I don’t think we should be doing this.”
She drops her forehead against mine, eyelids fluttering.Tiny warm kisses are distributed against my face, and I find myself stupidly going after her mouth, her hair, and her neck, wanting to find out what will happen if I were to lick the tiny spot no one else should be getting to know but me.
“I know,” she whimpers, sounding just as conflicted as I feel. “I’m sorry.”
“Cassandra Rivera.” I tilt my head up, chasing more of her, trying to steady the storm inside me but failing to. “We really shouldn’t do this right now. You’re really emotional tonight, and it’s just not…”
It’s not right.
I feel like I’m taking advantage of her vulnerability.
“I know.”
The weight of what we just did settles between us, heavier than ever before. It’s definitely wrong timing, but the tension is blinding us.
Cassandra presses her hand to my chest, and I feel her right there. As in, I feel herinsidemy body. Her touch makes my entire skin feel raw, like it’s slowly being peeled off my skeleton.
It hurts.
It hurtsme.
It hurts me because she is in pain, and I want her not to be.
I open my eyes, feeling my chest burn so badly it suddenly makes me want to cry like a little kid. Her gaze locks in mine, hooking me to hers. This is the only acknowledgement I get that we both need to stop before things get out of hand.
Wanting something doesn’t make it right, but isn’t that what always pushes us over the edge and makes us want to ask for more?
“We really need to stop,” I warn her, because my own sense of reason keeps telling me as much, right before I send it all to hell.
You’re so selfish.
I hear my inner voice screaming, telling myself to stop, but when she’s in my arms in the darkness, it all feels so quiet.I can’t bring myself to care. When Cassandra reaches for me again, I immediately kiss her back.
TEXT CHAINS BETWEEN FRIENDS: PART TWELVE
DECEMBER, 2016
Angelina: this is angie’s number
Cassandra: hi!
Angelina: save it and use it wisely
Cassandra: okay fhdhhd i will
