Page 208 of As the Rain Falls
“You and Caleb?”
I nod weakly. “Yeah.”
“Did he…” She wets her lips. “Did he talk you into doing it?”
My hands starts shaking.I drop them, letting them fall over my lap.Angelina’s eyes turn to the bed, how it’s unmade, and she gasps.
“Huh. He hasn’t changed a single bit.” She shakes her head, her gaze so far away. “Did you know Caleb was my first?”
“What?” I squeeze the words out, sounding more alarmed than I was going for.
“Summer after our first year at Sainte Madeleine,” her voice heavy with regret. “He didn’t force me to do it, but looking back it was too soon. I swear, I would’ve killed myself without Lucia by my side.”
“Did he…”
Her head snaps back to me, her answer a little too quick. “No. But I’ve talked to other girls at school, and he did the same thing to them.”
“Oh.” I pause, connecting the dots. “That’s why you got so upset when I asked you what he did to Lucia.”
Because Caleb didn’t hurt Lucia.
He hurt Angelina first and foremost.
I got the entire story backwards.
Silly, silly me.
“I was in love, so I felt foolish. Especially when he went back to her, I mean,” she smiles sadly, avoiding my gaze. “With the kind of brain I have, I get really attached. If I like someone, I’m very obsessive about it.”
“Right.”
I nod because it’s something I can easily relate to. All the push and pull with Caleb made me obsessed, too!
“When you asked me your question, I just knew I couldn’t handle rehashing everything all over again. It hurt so fucking bad, so I was rude to you, but I really didn’t mean to be.”
“That’s…”
Exactly what’s happening to me.
“Were you in love too?” She asks softly, her voice curious.
“I don’t know,” I exhale, whispering to her like it’s a secret. “I don’t think so.”
She smiles knowingly this time. “Is there someone else?”
“Maybe,” I admit, thinking of Beckett. “It’s complicated.”
“Okay, I get that.” She nods quickly, dropping the case. “Why did you sleep with Caleb, then? If you liked someone else?”
I shrug. “I just felt like I had to.”
“Like you had to,” Angelina echoes, her eyebrows shooting up. “It’s horrible, isn’t it? When you know he won’t stay, no matter what you do.”
Her hand goes to my hair, gently brushing it back.
I dry my tears, forcing myself to stop crying.
Just stop crying.
