Page 185 of As the Rain Falls
Angelina smiles knowingly. “You wanted her to, didn’t you? Well, at least I tried talking to the girl.”
“Okay. You need to stop making sense.” I roll my eyes at her. “I’m the oldest one here.”
“But clearly not the wisest.” Angelina shakes her head, pressing more gently. “You don’t have to fully trust her again, but maybe you should try to clear the air. I mean, who knows, right? Maybe it’s all just a misunderstanding, don’t you think?”
“A misunderstanding?” I scoff.
“A misunderstanding is what got me tied to a hospital bed for months, isn’t it?” her words slice through me, reminding me that not so long ago, our fighting hadn’t been entirely forgotten. “And didn’t I forgive you for being mean to me?”
“You did.” I nod, half-ashamed of my past behavior still. “It’s just hard for me. It makes no sense that I should be the one to reach out first when she’s the one who made things messy.”
“Isn’t it funny? It took you months to reach out to me, too.” Angelina shrugs. “But at some point, you’ll have to decide what matters most to you: getting her back or letting her go.”
LUCIA'S DIARY ENTRIES: JANUARY 2013
Page 1
My birthday ideas for Angie include: a heart-shaped necklace, books (But she doesn’t even read?), a new curler because her current one sucks…
Page 2
Antony isn’t speaking to me anymore, and everything sucks. I think he is still angry that I kissed another boy instead of him. The only reason why I did that was because he wouldn’t kiss me. I really, really wanted him to be the only one to ever kiss me. Goals: find the perfect birthday gift for Angie and apologize to Tony.
Page 3
I made Angelina cry today because I felt sad. I get really angry sometimes because I feel like no one really knows me here. Everything I say and do is wrong, and I worry that I am a bad person and a bad friend. I don’t know why I feel this way, but it reminds me of my mom. It’s sooo confusing… I didn’t even go out today. Mom, Dad and Beckett are at this party, but I stayed home. I’m just so sad.Sad and alone all the time.
IF HE DOESN'T SERVE YOU
Cassandra
DECEMBER, 2016
It’s a week beforeDecember 24th.
I am so close to turning into a seventeen-year-old girl, and nothing about this feels special at all because Caleb Monteiro is in every single one of my thoughts.
We’ve been fighting a lot more than we used to. He doesn’t like to be rejected, and I’ve refused to go all the way so far. It’s notthat I’m trying to be difficult, but I’m really scared it’ll hurt to have something inside of me. Sex in real life looks nothing like the movies, and porn is not as educational as I expected it to be.
It doesn’t feel good when he tries to touch me.
I don’t know what to do to make things better.
Everything Caleb does and says makes my mood shift, and half of me is certain he’s been acting aloof on purpose lately just to make me fold. I’m trying to be cool about it, but sometimes he really knows exactly how to piss me off.
“You were supposed to pick me up two hours ago.” I press an angry kiss into his mouth. “What’s the point of asking for a favor if you’re not going to show up?”
“You think the world revolves around you, Cassandra.” He rolls his eyes at me and turns the engine on. “Don’t try and piss me off. I’ve been tolerating a lot of your bullshit already.”
I flinch. “Caleb, you promised!”
“I had something to do!”
“You could’ve picked up my calls. I would’ve asked my brother to drop me off instead,” I point out, already feeling sick of this. “Kayla is waiting for me.”
“Then go ahead and be my guest.” Caleb unlocks the door and gestures towards my parents’ house. “Go ask that fucking creepy brother of yours. I don’t care.”
A few nights ago, Nathaniel overheard Caleb and me having a conversation on the phone. We were talking about meeting up to grab tickets for Horror Night at the local movie theater. Finding out about Caleb led us to fighting, and I didn’t realize I’d forgotten to end the call until it was already too late.
