Page 166 of As the Rain Falls
“Good.”
My head tilts down, my gaze dropping towards my hands, and my heart skips a beat once I notice how my fingers are shaking with anticipation.
A second later, I steal a glance at him, facing forward now, and start to feel a little less embarrassed about it. After all, mine are shaking, but so are his.
“And you?”
His gaze drops, too. “Great.”
I decide to take a chance and look at him again, watching as his features soften the tiniest bit the longer the moment stretches out. He almost looks likemyBeckett. The one I have come to know as a good friend. It gives me only the slightest bit of hope and gets me to start thinking that maybe I can apologize.
Maybe we can start all over and be friends again.
I go for it, trying to form a real apology in my head, but he’s faster than I am, and everything is still wrong.
“You should go back inside,” Beckett tells me, trying to sound gentle, but his shoulders are tense. His irritation is still showing through sarcasm. “I really don’t want to get you in any more trouble.”
My mind goes completely blank, heart shattering.
“Oh.” I wet my lips. “Okay.”
I miss him. I really do. And I hate how much I want to stay. But I don’t stay. I do exactly as I’m supposed to, swallowing down, going back inside, and closing the door shut behind me.Beckett doesn’t knock on my door.He just lets me go.
At least I tried.
It wasn’t enough, but at least I reached out and gave it my best shot. If Beckett doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, I can’t force him to. If this is all we get to have, I’ll do my best to be grateful and cherish the memories we made together. I know all of this, it all sounds rational and reasonable in my head, but…
It just hurts, that’s all.
My eyes are stinging, and I blink fast as my vision starts to blur. I reach for the wall, desperate to lean against it for more balance. Heartbeat speeding up, I can’t tell whether I just had a simple awkward conversation, or if Nathaniel just threatened to kill me all over again.
The carpet beneath me cushions the sound when my knees hit the ground, and I curve into a fetal position, trying to keep the sobs from coming out of me.
Nobody hears me when I choke or when I fall apart.
Nobody hears anything.
CHASING GHOSTS IN MY HOMETOWN
Beckett
DECEMBER, 2016
Angelina drops the flowersnext to Lucia’s portrait, her fingers shaking as she brushes them over the pink petals. It’s her first time visiting the cemetery since the funeral. I knew how hard this was going to be for her, but nothing compares to the real thing. Reality is making my heart shatter.
“Beckett, I want to go.” She quickly drying away her tears with the back of her hand. “I want to leave, please.”
My face falls, staring at her pale skin. Angelina looks sickly under the sunlight. “Angie…”
“Please,” she begs, eyes flickering to me sadly. “I don’t want to be here anymore. Not when they’re… They’re allstaringat me.”
I take her back to the car. It’s not even a point of discussion. There are other people around us, and Angelina hates crying in public. The look of utter devastation she gives me as soon as I start driving away almost kills me. I’ll think about it forever.
Lucia is still a sore topic. I can’t approach it when she’s like this, two seconds away from breaking down. I’m scared I’ll say something that will make her feel worse than she already does.
“I was wrong. It was too soon,” she admits, fighting through the tears. “I should’ve listened to my therapist.”
“You’re still seeing her?” I ask, wanting to get her to keep talking.
