Page 157 of As the Rain Falls
Cassandra
NOVEMBER, 2016
Nathaniel hasn’t said aword to me since we got in the car. He drives us home in silence. The radio hums in a low and meaningless note, and the atmosphere is tense enough that even I stay quiet too, resisting the urge to check my phone. Text Beckett. Undo what happened.
I mean, what was I thinking?
The only answer is, I wasn’t.I wasn’t thinking at all.I was scared and anxious.I still am. I really wanted Kayla to come with me and sleep at my house, and she seemed willing to come, but he didn’t let that happen. I didn’t ask twice because I felt too scared of what would happen if I did.What if he attacked her next?
We pass the bridge leading to Port des Ondes. The road is dark, and the headlights are blowing my vision. Nathaniel starts whistling under his breath. I’m too nervous to address the situation, and by the time we pull into the driveway, I feel ready to go to bed. The moment we step inside our parents’ house, I rush to my room and lock it shut. Through all the mess of thoughts clouding my mind, one still clings to the idea of hope.
Maybe this is it.
No screaming.
No bruises.
Just a bad night.
Hesitantly, I unlock my phone and check my messages with Beckett. Our chat is empty besides our last conversation about his birthday celebration. Beckett was born on October 31st, a fact that I’d forgotten until yesterday evening. He texted me back just to tell me nothing special was done besides going swimming with Tony. I felt bad for not remembering; I could’ve at least baked him a cake.
Other than that, nothing new, of course. But it’s not like I was expecting him to reach out to me in the first place. If I want to fix this, I need to be the one to make the first move.
Me: hi Beckett.
I know it’s late and you’re probably really angry, but I didn’t mean any of it. It came out wrong. I just…
Idk. I’ll go to sleep now I guess.
I just miss you and I don’t like fighting.
I don’t like fighting with anyone,but fighting with you tonight was the worst thing ever.
You won’t read this I guess, but I am sorry.
I’ll go to sleep now.
Beckett reads the texts, and I see the three small dots at the bottom of the screen appear and disappear until it’s been way too long for any real answer to come.
He won’t even text me back?
Okay. I guess that’s it then.
I slip out of my dress, hopping towards the bed. Clean my cuts, and change into pajamas.Sleep doesn’t come because I feel the urge to cry starting to rise, so I text Kayla instead.
We go over everything, dissecting it piece by piece.I try to reassure her that I’m okay and even go as far as coming up with stupid reasons to explain why my brother would joke about something so tragic as a teenager’s death, but I don’t find any strong excuses.
My best friend seems worried about me, especially after what she saw tonight. She thinks I should be calling my mom. I tell her that Nathaniel isn’t even that upset anymore. That it’s just…
It’s just a bad night.
Or maybe just a bad night until the pounding starts.
I flinch, suddenly startled by the noise. My gaze drops from the ceiling back to my phone. 3:00 A.M.
When did it get to be so late?
Why do I never see time passing anymore?
