Page 149 of As the Rain Falls
I don’t answer right away. I’m scared I’ll say something wrong and upset her even further. Because honestly, I don’t know what the hell she wants me to say.
When we texted, Cassandra told me she had a crush on me before, but she didn’t say anything about still feeling the same way about me now. I couldn’t just assume she still liked me, for fuck’s sake.We were kids. More often than not, feelings that come up this early don’t last. Didn’t Mom tell me so many times I had a girlfriend in kindergarten?I can barely remember her name now.
And I’m really not good at this. I’m not good at picking up the smallest clues in conversations. Sometimes, I miss things. I get awkward, too. I don’t know how to act at the moment, and I need just a little more time to think about it.
Deep down, I’m just wishing she’d just tell me upfront what she feels, instead of asking me about mine. I mean, when I told her people usually come up to me first, it wasn’t a comment I made to… to brag.
Did she really not know that?
Oh.
“Okay.” She doesn’t wait for me to figure out how to explain this to her. Instead, she exhales sharply and looks away from me. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
And just like that, the moment is gone.
I watch her leave silently, but my hands are still clenched at my sides, resisting something.
What?
I don’t know.
What if…What if it doesn’t work?
What if…
I don’t know.
I can’t.
I need to breathe.
I’m too overwhelmed, and my heart is beating way too fast for something that’s supposed to meannothing.That’s precisely because it wasn’t, and now we both know it. And once I’m donepushing down the uncomfortable lump stuck in my throat with whatever drink they’re serving that night, that last thought takes enough space in my head to become the reason why I’m chasing after her in this stupid party.
COULD YOU JUST TRY TO LISTEN?
Beckett
NOVEMBER, 2016
Cassandra has disappeared.
I can’t find her anywhere; not in the bathroom, the hallways, or our table. I open one of the doors leading to the outside area only to be greeted with someone that isn’t her.
My heart immediately drops.
This place is too full.
Robert Chartrand’s environmental nonprofit organization is on the verge of reaching international recognition, and he keeps pushing for the protection of sea turtles. Whatever plans he has for himself and his institution, tonight is clearly important. Everything is overdramatic, and every conversation hints at something great happening.
I’m so terribly out of the loop, and keeping up with chitchats gives me the biggest headache. It seems like half of Le Port’s population was invited tonight, but I guess this is the kind of event that really brings people out of their houses. It wouldn’t be a problem for anyone else, but after an hour of mingling with the guests, I can feel myself starting to get tired.
“Beckett Evans!” A random stranger waves at me.
“Hi!” I wave back but don’t stop to talk to them.
All I want to do is find something. Or better yet, someone.
It takes me another ten minutes to open the right door. Cassandra is hiding from the party, standing alone on a quiet balcony. Our last conversation, but mostly how it ended, is still not sitting well with me. I don’t want her to be mad at me. I don’t want her to misunderstand me, either. I still need to ask about the sketches and clear things out.
