Page 120 of As the Rain Falls
“No. I mean, she’s not getting better, but this has nothing to do with her.” I almost tell her the truth, then.The words balance on the tip of my tongue, teetering on the edge of something too big. I’m almost there.It’s hard, but I’m trying to be honest. “I just think that what happened with Caleb today brought up some bad feelings, and…”
I was—
“Did you not like the kiss?” Kayla’s voice comes out sweet and innocent. “Because if you didn’t, it’s okay. You don’t have to keep going out with him, you know?”
The discrepancy between what I was trying to say and what she thinks must have happened makes me feel sick. My friend is such a normal girl. How she thinks, the things she worries about. Kayla never had to grow up fast, not like I did.Compared to her, I’m too fast. I’m too eager. I’m the girl Caleb wants to fuck hard and leave.
I realize very quickly how fuckinginadequateit’d be to tell her about what happened to me. She will never understand how I feel. Kayla will push me towards going to the cops about it, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to have my business be exposed in a town as small as ours.
What if they find out about how I didn’t fight Nathaniel off?
Incest is taboo for a reason, isn’t it? It’s just a disgusting thing to do.
“No, I liked it.” The lie tastes bitter on my tongue. “I was going to say that… I think I need to pee.”
It sounds more like a question, even to me.Kayla blinks, startled. Then she snorts, and her laugh breaks through the tension. She never assumes the worst because, unlike me, Kayla has had a good life so far. Her family loves her, and they keep hersafe. I wasn’t protected like her. It means that I have nowhere to run to.
“You need to pee?” she echoes, raising a brow at me. “Well, lucky for you, we’re in a bathroom, right? Go. I’ll wait for you to come out.”
I get up and head for another empty stall. The door swings shut right behind me. As I pull my skirt down, my eyes drift towards what’s written behind the door with red and black markers. Some of it is just random doodles left by bored kids, half-faded because of the passing of time.My fingers trace over the familiar mess, recognizing some of the graffiti as my own.
What’s your number?
LOL
#MeToo
I <3 One Direction
Rock n’ Roll!
Yun is a cunt.
I listen to Kayla’s quiet humming. She’s shy about singing, but her voice is always perfectly tuned, no matter what song is driving her crazy at the moment.
Insults, drawings of smiley faces, and shattered hearts. My hand stills next to the poster. It’s large, the paper cold and wrinkled under my touch. The title tells me that it’s some old anti-bullying campaign from last year.I peel at the corner, and it comes off the door too easily, like someone’s done this before, again and again. The paper only rips a little where my fingers are pressing too hard, but that’s because I’m too eager. As I let the poster fall to the ground, I pause and read what was hidden underneath.
My eyes widen and my stomach drops, this terrible feeling washing over me, something truly cold and chilling.
Lucia Evans is a slut.
I press my fingers against the last word, following the lines and the curves of each letter. It’s too big, too loud, too wrong.
Le Port’s biggest whore.
Whore.
Slut.
Whore.
Maybe I should stop reading.
Lucia Evans has a stretched-out pu—
“Hey, Cassie?” Kayla calls my name, her voice only a whisper through the door, like she doesn’t want to spook me. “Are you done?”
Then I see it.
