Page 118 of As the Rain Falls
“Angelina,” I say slowly, deciding to tread very carefully. “This was nothing.”
“Nothing?” her gaze softens. “He is using you, Cassandra. He’ll get what he wants and go right back to Maria like you never even existed.”
Her words feel like getting punched in the stomach. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. The image pops in my head, and it makes me feel small, impressionable, and all the things I don’t want to be. The thought is heartbreaking to me.
“So?” I lie, pretending not to care.
“He’ll leave you with nothing,” she adds, sounding genuinely concerned.
Good.
“You sound insane,” my voice wavers as I fake a small laugh, snorting through my nose. “Like a total freak.”
She tilts her head, studying me for what feels like an eternity. Then, her expression turns passive, like she’s seeing something pathetic.
“Listen, I get it.” Angelina tries to reach me, her hand stretching to meet the angle of my elbow in what I assume would be a soothing way, but I take a step back. “You like him. I swear, I know how that feels better than anyone.”
“I don’t care,” my tone is clipped.
Her hand falters mid-air, and something flickers in her gaze, like she’s truly seeing me for the very first time. Her eyes are filled with hurt and disappointment. She seems understanding too, which is surprising. I mean, how can she even begin to understand what I’m all about? This girl doesn’t even know me.
I smile humorlessly, without showing teeth, glaring at the shelf.
“What, are we friends now?”
“No,” she answers quietly. “We’re really not. But I was just trying to be helpful.”
I blink hard, fighting the urge to cry. “I don’t need your help.”
“Are you sure?” her voice drops, barely above a whisper. “Because this looked a lot like he was forcing you to kiss him instead of—”
“He wasn’t,” I snap, but it sounds a lot like a lie. “I wanted him to kiss me. I was just kidding when I said no.”
She lingers close, waiting for me to say something, to take it back. Suddenly, I feel the urge to do it, but I can’t. I don’t. Angelina straightens her shoulders, the softness in her face fading, being replaced by something cold and guarded.
“Well, at least now I know how she must have felt.”
Her voice is weak, and I know almost immediately that she’s referring to Lucia. Always this girl. Following me around, haunting me. I swear, it’s starting to get on my nerves.
“What did you just say?” I press, wanting to know what that’s about.
“Forget about it.” I watch her turn on her heel and walk away without another word.
“Angelina!” I call out her name, pressing my palms against the length of my skirt.
Her steps slow down, lingering for a second longer. It seems like she wants to say something else. Her mouth opens, but then closes again as she shakes her head gently.A bad feeling rises to my chest. It’s like she sees right through me, and it makes me feel like I’m about to explode.
“It’s never just a kiss, is it?” Angelina murmurs, almost too softly for me to hear. “They always want more. More than we can give.”
And then she’s gone.
I press my fingers to my lips, trying to keep my balance as my legs start to shake. It was just a kiss, but it wasn’t a freely given one. But why should I care? Compared to other things that have happened to me, this is nothing. Compared to what I was expecting, it’s even more disappointing.
The aisle feels quieter without Angelina in it, and a whole lot lonelier. A breeze comes in, brushing gently through my shoulders and neck, like a warm hug.
It smells like it’s going to rain later.
I hope it does.
