Page 103 of As the Rain Falls
“For three entire minutes. I drowned at the beach back when I was twelve. I was with my dad. They had to perform CPR on me, and everything.”
“That’s… crazy!” I gasp, a strange kind of respect filling my chest. “Actually, no. That must’ve been traumatizing. Jesus, what did you even see?”
Mateo shrugs, and in that moment, I notice it.The big shift.He locks his emotions, puts the mask back on, turns into the guy who seems so effortless about everything, always ready for the next big adventure. And yet, his next words come out too quickly, and even I, who barely even know him very well, can tell they don’t ring totally true.
“I don’t remember.”
It’s a lie. I can feel it in the way his posture shifts, becoming more guarded. Antony seems unaware of it, too busy fighting off the nice buzz of his cigarette.
“Insane. Literally insane,” I joke, pretending not to notice. “How did it feel?”
“Like going to sleep.” Mateo winces. “Well, more like going to sleep when you have a fever. Drowning hurts like shit though. It burns your nostrils and everything.”
“Yikes.” Antony shrinks into himself. “Death by drowning and being buried alive are, like, my biggest fears.”
“Aren’t you a surfer?” I point out.
His eyes widen with surprise. I bet he thought I wasn’t aware of the fact. “Not a good one. Beckett is better at it than I am.”
“Of course, he is,” I answer too quickly, and feel the blood rush to my face when Antony shoots me a knowing glance. “I’ve seen him at the beach, that’s all.”
“Right.”
Mateo bites another candy and grimaces. “You still have to teach me, remember? I’m not ending our third year without knowing the basics.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Tony shrugs. “I’ll talk to Beckett soon.”
“Cool.”
The boys turn to me, and I smile.
“The pressure’s on me now, I guess.”
I consider it for a second, trying to remember a secret that wouldn’t be too revealing or embarrassing. The stakes are pretty high because the guys were vulnerable, each in their own way. I don’t want to say something silly, but I don’t want to tell a lie either. I have to be honest, just like they were with me.
“I…” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, listening to the tinkling my bracelets make when I shift. Without thinking too much about it, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, “I don’t like my brother.”
The words hang in the space between us for a moment, but the rush of my confession goes straight to my head. My pulse quickens, and I get the urge to immediately take it back, not sure what their reaction will be. It’s not usual for someone to hate their sibling, not unless there’s a good reason, right?
“I really don’t like him,” I repeat, and my voice is quieter this time.
“Why?” Antony’s voice cuts through the quiet, not judgmental in any way, more so curious.
I exhale slowly, trying to think of a way to put it.
“I think he’s a mean person.” I stop talking, unsure whether I should keep going or not. Mateo didn’t. “I’m not saying that I want him dead or something. It’s just… If he wasn’t my brother, you know? I doubt we’d even talk.”
Antony hums in acknowledgement and I swallow hard, hoping he won’t push for more. Mateo looks at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable, while the other boy seems to be coming to terms with something.
“Beckett said you were different,” he admits it after a beat, as if testing the waters. “He told me to go easy on you.”
I blink, caught off guard. “He did?”
“Yeah.” He shifts the cigarette between his fingers, eyeing me intentionally. “He mentioned you weren’t like the rest of your family, and no shade, but I really doubted it. But that’s why you don’t get along with them, right? It’s why Nathaniel makes you ride to school instead of dropping you off.”
“I like going to school alone,” I chip in. “It’s good exercise.”
Except when it’s raining too much, which is all the time these days. Beckett always offers to drop me, but sometimes I feel too embarrassed to be asking for favors. I already knew he didn’t like my brother, but hearing about him continuously defend me when I’m not even there makes something inside of me feel weird. I just…I didn’t think Beckett was paying much attention to me.
