Page 61 of Edge of Secrets

After that, we both went wild. A frenzied, feverish blur, clutching each other, dragging, pulling demanding. No control, no need for it. His clothes came off, my blouse was ripped open, my bra unhooked.

He settled between my legs and slowly entered me, pressing me down onto the couch with his solid weight. Folding my legs high. It was hard, deep, driving. Demanding and wonderful. We struggled, twining and writhing and pumping. Struggling toward the release we both needed ... and exploding together.

His vital energy poured into me. I clung to him and took in the wonderful heat. I felt transformed.

A single, piercing thought formed in my mind. He lifted his face, and it just flew out of my mouth. “I love you,” I said.

His eyelids went tight. His face went blank. Fear stabbed through me.

Oh God. I’d ruined it. Now he’d take back all that intense, passionate attention—never mind that it wasn’t love—and I’d proceed to shrivel up and die.

Then came anger. How humiliating, to be terrified just because I told a man I loved him. I had nothing to be ashamed of. He should be grateful. I shouldn’t have to beg for any man’s love.

“Nell,” he said, sounding pained.

“No. Forget I said it.” I tried to wrench myself free, but his full weight was pinning me down into cushions. He rolled off onto the floor.

“Nell, I’m sorry if I?—”

“Shut up, Duncan. The worst thing you could do would be to apologize. It’s the one thing I could never forgive you for.”

“So what can I say?”

“Nothing,” I whispered. A burning tightness filled my chest. It felt like my heart was imploding. I collected my clothes and marched into the bedroom.

He followed on bare, silent feet. “Nell, don’t,” he said, his voice rough. “Don’t do this to me.”

I fought the tears. “Please, Duncan. Just give me some space. I’m too embarrassed to talk to you right now.”

“Don’t be. Please.” He slipped his arms around me from behind and squeezed. “Thank you for saying it. Thank you for giving yourself to me like you do. You’re beautiful and special, and you make me feel awake and alive like nothing else. Please. Don’t be embarrassed.”

I covered my face. “You drive me crazy when you talk like that,” I whispered. “Don’t confuse me. Don’t jerk me around.”

“I’m just telling you how I feel. I’m just being honest. Isn’t that what women say they want from men?”

“What I want and what women in general want are two separate things,” I said haughtily. “Do not generalize me.”

“Never,” he said smoothly, fervently kissing my neck.

I sighed. “It’s strange. All those things you say about how you feel about me? That’s exactly how I feel about you. I just interpret those feelings to mean that I love you.”

Duncan’s arms tightened. He buried his face in my hair.

“But we define those feelings in such different terms,” I finished softly. “And that shouldn’t be so important. But it is.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Tears overflowed, and I let them slide down my cheeks. He jerked as a tear splashed his forearm. I stroked his arm, brushing the moisture away. “It’s okay. I appreciate the truth. Honesty is better than lies, I guess.”

“I’m giving you everything I have to give.”

I turned in his arms until I faced him and rested my face against his chest. “You give a lot,” I admitted. “I just asked for the wrong thing at the wrong time, that’s all. I love our time together. Don’t worry. Let’s just let it pass and float downstream.”

Maybe I should just relax. Try not to put this experience in a box.

After all, the feelings he described for me were more than most lovers had to brag about.

Chapter Twenty-One

Duncan

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