Page 84 of Risk

I’m blaming the pregnancy hormones. Pre-pregnant me would never have stressed over a man this much.

I would have stressed a bit, because, hello, I’m human. But I wouldn’t have stressed and overanalyzed like I’m currently doing. Nothing gets in the way of my studying—ever. I’ve always had the ability to switch off my thoughts when I need to focus and study, but recently, I’m finding my mind drifting to thoughts of Kaden when I’m studying.

It’s fucking annoying, and I need it to stop.

I’ve just not yet figured out how to make it stop.

I hear the ding of the elevator, telling me Kaden is home. He went out tonight with Zeus for a few beers. Knowing Kaden though, he had one and then moved on to soda. He doesn’t drink much, as he says it can bring on a headache.

I’m in my room, lying in bed. My huge and super comfortable pregnancy pillow—which I purchased last week and no longer will ever be able to live without—is tucked between my legs and under my quickly growing bump and now-massive boobs, and my head is resting comfortably on it while I watch13 Going on 30for the thousandth time with Balboa sleeping soundly near my feet.

I stop listening to the sound of the TV and listen to the sound of Kaden moving around.

I hear him in the kitchen, and then I hear him moving down the hallway.

I hate myself for how much I want him to come to my room. He’s not been back in here since the night we had sex.

There’s a tap on my door, and then Kaden’s head is poking around the partially open door.

My pussy and my heart damn near break out of my body and launch themselves at him. Traitorous bitches.

“Hey.” He smiles, and, fuck, he looks so damn handsome that it hurts.

“Hey.” I force my smile to look real. “Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah. It was fun.”

Is it bad that my first thought isnot too much fun, I hope, meaning I hope he didn’t meet any women? But he was with my brother, so it’s not like he’d have been out, picking women up—I think. I mean, it’s not like he can’t. He is single.

And maybe he didn’t tonight, but there will be a night when that does happen. When he does meet a woman and he has sex with her.

Bile rises in my throat, and my stomach sinks through the mattress and bed frame and straight to the floor.

His eyes flick to the TV. “What you watching?”

“A movie—13 Going on 30. You ever seen it?”

“No.”

“Wanna watch it with me? It hasn’t been on long, but I can rewind it to the beginning, if you want?”And how desperate do I sound? Might as well have just begged him to come and spend time with me.

He glances at the screen again before looking back at me. His extended pause makes me want to die of embarrassment at sounding so damn needy to have him here and at the anticipation of theno, thankshe’s going to likely say.

“Sure. Sounds good. No need to restart it though. I’ll just watch it from this part.”

I can’t tell you the level of relief I feel. It’s so high that I’m actually embarrassed for myself.

“You want me to get you anything before I sit down?” he asks.

“No, I’m good.”

I watch as he glances around, looking for a place to sit. I see his eyes home in on the chair at my vanity. But I don’t want him to sit all the way over there. I want him close.

I know; I’m messed up in the head and heart. I want him, but I don’t.

Only I do want him.

I’m just afraid to want him.

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