Page 95 of Risk

But when I suggested Kaden tell Zeus that Gary was here in the city, he got short with me, which he never does. So, I feel like I can’t reach out to Zeus for his help.

I’ve never seen Kaden this way before.

I understand he was thrown by the appearance of his father, and I know what his fears are for me and our babies.

I’m not naive enough to think Gary isn’t a dangerous man—he murdered his wife in front of his young son. Yes, he madeindirect threats, but he was also in prison for a long time and just got out. He’s not looking to go back. He just wants money.

Kaden refuses to give him any money, and I back him a hundred percent. If he did give Gary money, he’d blow through it and be back for more, and it’d be a never-ending cycle of Kaden giving Gary money. When all Kaden wants is him gone.

And honestly, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with any form of association with Gary once the twins are here. I don’t want it now.

Gary might not have shown up in five days, but he’s definitely not gone. He’ll be back.

I just don’t know how it’s going to go when Kaden refuses to give him any money again.

It’s not like we can call the police. He’s not committed any crime. Except maybe harassment if he comes back to the apartment building. We could get a restraining order, but I know that a piece of paper isn’t going to keep him away either.

I just can’t see the solution, and there needs to be one because Kaden can’t go on like this.

He’s not even gone into the gym to check on his business. Yes, he has a manager who runs it for him, but he loves that place. He loves going in and talking to the members and catching up with the staff. He’s a hands-on owner.

But this whole Gary business has completely changed the way he usually is. He’s protective of me because that’s just who he is. It’s part of his being. But this behavior is overprotective.

I’m allowing it because I know it’s what he needs right now. He needs to know I’m safe, and in his mind, being my shadow is how he knows.

I’m happy to give him this peace of mind, but it can’t continue forever. But I know he’s not going to rest until Gary appears again and probably not even after that either because he’s notgoing to give him a dime and Gary isn’t going away until he gets what he came to New York for—his son’s money.

I can’t even begin to know what this is doing to Kaden’s emotions. Yes, he hates his father. But I also know that deep down inside of him is the child who just wishes his father were a better man, a better father.

I went to bed before Kaden, who was pretending to watch ESPN, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. But I’ve just been lying here, unable to sleep. My mind has been overactive, and the babies are awake and on the move.

I’m surprised when the bedroom door creaks open and Kaden comes in. We sleep in his room now, as the bed is bigger, but I honestly wasn’t expecting him to come to bed so soon, if at all.

He crawls into bed, laying his head near my bump, one arm wrapped around it and the other holding my hand.

I begin shifting my fingers through his hair, trying to give him some kind of comfort. This is the first time he’s held me since Gary turned up.

I’ve felt like he’s been keeping me at arm’s length. Almost like he’s afraid to touch me.

“I’ve been thinking…I might give Gary the money.”

That makes me pause. He was so adamant that he wouldn’t pay Gary to go away.

Part of me wants to tell him not to because men like Gary don’t go away for good. They always come back. Time and time again.

“If you think that’s the right thing to do, you know I’ll support any decision you make.”

He lifts his head and looks at me. He tries to hide it, but I can see the pain in his eyes.

He exhales a breath, and he sounds lost and exhausted when he says, “I just…I don’t know what else to do. I’ve run all thescenarios over in my head, over and over, until I felt like my brain was gonna explode.”

“And we don’t want that to happen, as it’d be a fucker to clean brain up.”

That gets a smile out of him. A small one, but still a smile.

“I know if I give him the money, he’ll come back for more. But at least it’ll get him gone for a while.”

I continue to run my fingers through his strands. I don’t want to say anything because the decision on how to deal with his father is his, and he needs to decide and then come to terms with whatever choice he makes.

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