Page 88 of Risk

For the second time in less than two weeks.

THIRTY

This time, unlike the last time I kissed him, there is no hesitation on his part. His fingers thread into my hair, and he angles my head back, deepening the kiss, taking over, and I am here for it.

I want him so very badly.

My body is aching for him.

Needing to be closer to him, but cursing this pillow—that ten minutes ago, I declared I wanted to marry—for being in the way.

Not wanting to make any movement so that he comes to his senses, I fight the urge to move the pillow out of the way.

But when his hand moves down to my ass and grips it, I grab the pillow and drag it out from between us, ensuring not to let my lips move from his.

Pillow gone, I shift my body forward, getting as close as I can to him with my bump in the way. I hook my leg over his hip and angle my hips up so my pussy presses against his hard cock that is straining against his sweatpants. The moment my clit makes contact with his erection, I moan into his mouth.

I feel him stiffen—and not in a good way. His whole body locks up.

He withdraws from the kiss and presses his forehead to mine.

We’re both breathing hard. Chests rising and falling.

I’m horny and disappointed that he stopped what had just started.

I thought he wanted me too. His hard cock certainly seemed to say so.

“Should I not have kissed you?” I whisper.

He exhales, and I breathe his warm breath into my own lungs.

He shifts his head back on the pillow so he’s looking into my eyes.

My pussy is still nestled up against his dick, and I’m not sure if I should move or not. For the first time in my life, I’m unsure of myself in a situation. Usually, I know what’s going on. I’ve always had the gift of being able to read people and situations, but right now, I have no fucking clue what to do, and it’s beyond unnerving.

“No…it’s not that. I just…”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.” I lift my leg off him and move back away from him.

Kaden follows me, his hands taking hold of my face, forcing me to look at him. “Babe, listen to me when I say this: I want you more than my next breath. But I won’t…can’thave sex with you until we’re together.”

My brows draw together. “Together? Like, dating?”

“Like, you’re mine, Beautiful, and I’m yours, and we’re in a committed relationship.”

I don’t know what to say. I’m staring at him as a hundred different responses scroll through my mind, but I’m unable to hold on to any of them.

“And this isn’t me saying this to get you to be with me. I want you to be with me, but because you want it—me. This here isself-preservation, babe. Because I can’t be inside you again and spend the whole night holding you in my arms, only to wake up the next morning and have another conversation with you like we had the last time. I just can’t fucking do it.”

It’s then I realize how much I hurt him that morning. Had he woken up happy? Thinking we were together after that night, and then I basically took the happiness away from him? Is that why he’s been acting like nothing happened—a self-preservation thing?

I thought he only wanted me because I was pregnant with his children, but I’m starting to see that maybe Kaden does actually want to be with me. That maybe everything he’s been telling me is the truth. Why he stayed away from me in the beginning. Why he left me in the hotel room that night. His worries over losing Zeus, the only family he has. Thinking he’s not good enough for me—which I’m guessing stems from his fear that he might end up being like his father.

It’s like a veil is lifted from my eyes, and I’m seeing him clearly for the first time. And what I see is a man who wants me more than anyone ever has before.

And I’ve been letting my own issues get in the way too. The reason why I never have long-term relationships. Why I’ve never actually been in love.

Because love terrifies me.

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