Page 57 of Risk

We’re going to be a family.

But not really.

Two people co-parenting twins.

If only things were different and Kaden and I were together, this would maybe not seem as scary, but I know better than anyone to wish for things that won’t ever happen.

I need to learn to accept and be happy with what I have. Kaden being here to help me through the pregnancy and then being here for our children.

Wanting and thinking of more will only lead to heartbreak, and I can’t afford for that to happen.

For the sake of the two lives growing inside of me.

TWENTY-ONE

Ispent most of the car ride home from the doctor’s visit staring at the ultrasound photos. Dr. Adams gave us four copies. Kaden has one, which he put straight into his wallet, which I thought was super sweet. I have one that I think I’ll tack on the fridge for now. The other two, I thought I could keep for the babies.

Babies.

I can’t believe I’m having two kids. I wonder if this was how my mom felt when she found out she was pregnant with Lo and me. She already had Zeus and Ares by that point, so it was probably scarier for her because she was going from two kids to four.

But then I am going from zero kids to two.

It’s times like this when I miss my mom so much and wish she were still alive. She’d be able to give me advice and help me through this. But I know no wishing is going to change things.

“Hey, you doing okay?” Kaden asks me.

“Yeah.” I look over at him sitting behind the wheel of his car. “I was just thinking about my mom. Wondering if she was freaked out when she found out that she was pregnant with me and Lo.”

“I’m sure she was. I’d bet any woman would be freaked out to find that out.” He’s quiet for a moment. “You could maybe…ask your dad. He would know how your mom was feeling.”

Turning my face away, I look out the window again. “Yeah, I guess I could.” I won’t though.

My relationship with my dad is…distant. That’s the best way I can describe it. He’s sober now and constantly trying to make up for his past failures with us, but I guess…I just don’t have a father-daughter relationship with him. I have that with Zeus and Ares.

Zeus and Ares feel more like my parents, if that makes sense. The thought of telling my dad that I’m pregnant doesn’t bother me at all. The thought of telling Zeus and Ares makes me want to piss my pants.

I’m afraid of letting them down and disappointing them.

Kaden pulls into an open parking spot outside my apartment building.

“Do you want to come in for a coffee?” I ask him, not feeling ready to leave him yet. Not after having the scan and finding out we’re having twins. Well, at least that’s what I’m telling myself. “Decaf, of course.”

“Of course.” He smiles. “How about I go to the deli down the block and grab some lunch for us both while you make coffee? You must be getting hungry.”

Just as he says it, my stomach growls loudly.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” I groan, and he laughs. I ate a slice of toast this morning, but it came straight back up.

“What do you want?” he asks me.

“Something simple that’s not gonna make me want to throw up.”

“You’re having bad morning sickness?”

“It was bad at first, but it’s getting a bit easier.”

“So, a simple sandwich?”

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