Page 38 of Risk

“Didn’t you use…” He shifts uncomfortably.

“Protection? Yeah. I’m on the pill, and he used a condom.”

“No more. I beg you.” He puts his hands over his ears.

I drag one of his hands from off his ear. “Your sister has sex—get used to it—and if you don’t want the specifics, then stop asking me!”

“Fine. I won’t ask any more questions.”

“Good.”

We both go silent, just like we used to when we were kids and we were upset with each other.

“I just can’t believe you…and Kaden,” he mutters, breaking the silence. “Zeus is not going to fucking like this one bit.”

“Uh, you think?”

I feel physically sick at the thought of angering or disappointing Zeus or Ares. They’ve both done so much for me. Zeus and Ares basically raised Lo and me after our mom died. I would never want to hurt or upset either of them.

“Is it too soon to ask what you’re going to do…about the…you know…” He gestures to my stomach. “The baby?” he says in a voice softer than I’ve ever heard him use before, almost like he thinks the baby will be able to hear him.

I let out a sad sigh, pressing my cheek to my knee, looking across the room, seeing the reflection of myself in the black screen of the television. “I have no clue what I’m going to do.”

“You know I’ll support you, no matter what you decide, and so will Zeus and Ares.”

“I know,” I exhale. “It’s not that I didn’t want a baby ever. But I just figured I’d be in a committed relationship when it happened, and that would be after I had my PhD and was well established in my career, you know.”

“I know, sis. But you know that life doesn’t always go the way we expect it to.”

I know he’s referring to when we were younger, losing our mom to cancer and our dad being unable to cope with the loss of the love of his life and turning to alcohol as a way to cope, leaving us to fend for ourselves.

I lift my head and rub my hands over my face before wrapping them back around my legs. “I just…I’m not antiabortion or anything—a woman’s body, her rights—but the thought of…” I trail off. “I’m not sure if I could do that.”

“You don’t have to make any decisions right away. You have time. And abortion isn’t the only option if you decide to not keep the baby yourself.”

“Adoption?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if I could do that, Lo.” I wrap my arms over my middle in a protective gesture that I don’t realize I’m even doing at first. “I couldn’t grow my child and then…give it away.”

I know it’s right for some people, but not me. Hell, I have problems giving away my old clothes. Not that I think adoption is akin to giving away an item of old clothing. I just have a hard time parting with things. So, parting with a baby that I’ve carried for nine months is just not something I could do.

I shake my head, sure of this one fact. “I can’t do the adoption thing. I wouldn’t be able to.”

“Good,” he says, and my eyes whip to him. “Of course, it would have been your choice, and you know I’ll support whatever you decide, but knowing my niece or nephew was out there, being raised by strangers, would have been hard.”

I reach out and squeeze his hand.

“Okay.” He blows out a breath. “So, that option is down and gone. That just leaves us with…abortion…”

Even as he says the word, I feel unease at the thought.

“Or keeping the baby.”

And the thought of that scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

“But…one thing you do have to do is tell Kaden, no matter what you decide. He has a right to know, Miss.”

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