Page 132 of Coco and the Misfits

Shaking my head at myself, I grab my phone and scroll for his number. I’m still throbbing down below where Atticus ate me out and rubbed me raw with his beard—an ache I cherish—and I’m writing to the other guy who fucked me and discarded me.

My lips purse. It won’t happen again. If he walks out again, that’s it. I won’t speak to him ever again.

But right now, everything seems possible.

Zach, opening up about his knotting issue. Atticus washing dishes and going down on me. Would Ryder also show me another side to his character?

Have I forgiven him? Have I begun to? Will our meeting be less tense than the last when he apologized and asked for another chance? Can I give it to him?

Will he be a keeper?

And if he is… what shall I do?

The butterflies start dive-bombing inside my stomach from the moment I shoot off my message to Ryder, and when he replies with an affirmative and a little grinning devil, they start going off like fireworks.

Butterfly fireworks.

Awesome.

You’d think it’s my first time with these guys. That he wasn’t here a couple of days ago, spilling out his heart to me, telling me of his tragic past and leaving without knowing if I’d ever call him back.

That little grinning devil emoji… I find myself grinning, too. Oh no. Dammit. I really am starting to forgive him, aren’t I? That arrogant, cocky bastard.

I shouldn’t let him back into my home so quickly. I should let him doubt and suffer like I suffered when he did that to me.

But just like I let Atticus and Zach back in… how can I keep him out when he makes my heart pound, even when I’m only thinking about him?

Nothing has changed, I remind myself. This is still his second chance, his chance to prove himself to me, and that could take a long time.

He may be cute, but no, I haven’t forgiven him yet. Words are cheap, be they tragic backstories or not. Actions are the only thing that counts.

So he had better act.

Reassured, I go to work the next day, doing my best to put the evening meeting out of my mind. It’s obviously impossible, but work distracts me for a while and I’m able to breathe. That proverbial held breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding? There’s truth to it, I swear. It’s not so much a held breath as shallow breathing, lack of oxygen from the coiled tension in your entire body.

Yet the moment I turn off my computer, grab my purse and get up to leave work, the breathless feeling returns.

I need to prepare dinner. And myself. Prepare my body and soul for this meeting that’s as likely to send me hurtling into happiness as dump me into hell.

Not knowing these guys means I don’t know if they have allergies, dislikes, hated foods from their childhood. I didn’t ask the other two. Not about to ask this one, either, but I decide on something as neutral as possible.

Can’t beat veggie burgers and smashed potatoes, can you?

Okay, maybe you can, but that’s my current theory. Carrying my provisions home, I catch a glimpse of Atticus across the street. He waves at me, a grin on his face, and I grin back.

“I’m on bodyguard detail!” he hollers and I laugh out loud. “Just so you know!”

“Okay!” I yell back and make my way home, acutely aware of him following me, making sure I’m safe until I’m inside my apartment. I wave at him from the window, he waves again and then he’s gone.

Aw, my heart. He kept his promise to let me know.

Now… veggie burgers and smashed potatoes. What was I thinking? I scratch my head, staring at the ingredients strewn over my counter. I don’t even know why I picked this combo today, to be honest. It’s not sexy, or glamorous, or even cute. My thought about allergies makes no sense.

Then I remember that my mom used to make this dish for me when I was little. It’s comfort food in every sense of the word, and I need it. My little emotional support dish, as I welcome that bad, inked alpha back into my home and, tentatively, also my heart and body.

My dark prince is coming. Beside my silver fox king and my golden boy, he’s a shadow, mesmerizing and slightly dangerous.

It gives an edge to my lust and a pause to my hopes, making everything feel more uncertain and somehow exhilarating; a rollercoaster of emotions.

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