Page 10 of Third Time Lucky

‘Don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll catch him with some woman on their honeymoon and then your part in all this is over. You won’t have to be the bad guy ’cause men like that always get caught.’

‘You realize you’re talking about men like you, right?’

‘No way. I’m no cheater. I just sleep around. There’s a difference.’

I shake my head. ‘I’ll give ya that. But no. I’ve walked in on exactly what I saw last night, in my own bedroom. I know how that feels, and I do not want her feeling that. I have to tell her.Beforeshe says “I do.”’

‘We can’t get in! She’s got security,’ he reminds me, motioning behind us where the room is.

‘I’ve got to find a way,’ I say as we walk away, running my hands over my head and clasping my fingers behind my neck. ‘Jesus on a fucking pogo stick. I’d rather deturd a ship full of shrimp.’

‘And you hate shrimp.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Well, if you’ve got to do it, there’s only one thing that’ll make it easier. Booze.’ He points toward one of the bars opened twenty-four hours a day.

‘It’s barely noon.’

‘Somewhere it’s drinking hour, so let’s pretend we’re in that time zone so you won’t pussy out and hate yourself later.’

I stop at the bar, stupidly letting him order for us. ‘I don’t do that.’

‘Yes, you do. When have you ever spoke for yourself and told off one of these women who fuck you over?’

‘I’m no longer dating any of them, so clearly I ended it somehow,’ I defend myself.

‘Yeah, but which have you told to get fucked? ’Cause they all earned it, but if it happened, I’ve never heard the story.’

Talking about my feelings isn’t my favorite thing. But surely there’s one I’ve told where to go. Let’s see.

Megyn, my first ‘adult’ girlfriend at nineteen – while in college – didn’t like my love language – touch. I was too touchy for her. Yet a guy she met in class felt her up in the corner of the kitchen one day, and word got back to me pretty quickly, so – insert confusion here. I broke up with her the same day I found out, and she walked away like I was nothing. Those two are now married – happily, so I’m told. I did not tell her to fuck off like I should have.

Next up was Heidi. She was a bit older than me, turning thirty while we dated. Maybe her ticking biological clock is why she wanted to move so quickly – like 0 to 100 in sixty days. I hadn’t even met her family – whom she claimed were a tad ‘unhinged,’ to put it nicely. So, when I found a box of ovulation kits in my bathroom, I decided to take a hard pass on Heidi. Last I heard, she was married with three kids under three. Sounds exhausting. I was afraid to piss this one off, so no exit words for her either.

Jeneva – aka Jen, is up next. Aaron set me up with her – which I should have known would lead to a terrible ending. But she seemed into me, and I was beyond into her. She was gorgeous and interesting, but she liked to disappear on me a few days a week. It took me a couple of weeks to find out she was busy because she was keeping up with six boyfriends dispersed across the city. That was fun to find out when I ran into her and one of them downtown, hand in hand (hard to deny there’s nothing going on when you’re clinging to one another like you’re in a windstorm). Yet again, I was nobody special in her life but rather one in a long line of men attempting to woo the girl as she built herself a secret harem. I got an invitation to her wedding last year. I didn’t accept. No exit words for her either. It’s hard to yell at a woman when she’s got a huge man on her arm.

Then there was Melissa – the most serious and recent of the women I’d consider ‘girlfriends.’ Absolutely beautiful, sophisticated, and exactly my type, or so I thought. But after two years of dating (that’s right, she’s also my longest relationship), she suddenly decided she was no longer feeling it. However, I had a ‘friend’ visiting, and shewasfeeling it with him.

When I walked in on them in my bed, she was cold as ice. You’d have thought I was the landlord there to ask for late rent. Her exact words were, ‘I told you I wasn’t feeling it any more. Staying with you feels like tossing a golden ticket into a fire just to admire the sparks. With Justin, he starts the fire.’ Jesus, Justin. So, another one bit the dust – and they left my apartment together, him still buttoning his pants. I was once again wordless. I’m not sure of her relationship status now, nor do I care.

So, to sum it up: Cheated. Tried to knock me up. Cheated. Cheated. That’s my serious dating history in a nutshell – and Aaron’s right, I didn’t say what any of them deserved to hear. And that’s why I have to tell Lucy about Brandon. I know the feeling of being betrayed too well, and I don’t want her to feel like a fool after making their relationship legal.

‘Fine, you’re right. I didn’t tell even one of those women off because I hate confrontation. So, sue me, I’m a nice guy.’

‘It’s OK that you’re soft inside,’ Aaron says gently, leaning in closer. ‘Now, this isn’t exactly a manly thing to do, but we’re brothers,andwe’re in Vegas where anything goes, so if you need me to hold your hand while you man up and grow a set so you can save this girl from a nasty future divorce, I’ll do it,’ he says, grasping my hand and holding it tightly.

I pull my hand from his. ‘How about you just have my back in case it all goes wrong?’

‘What could possibly go wrong?’ he says with a laugh.

I know he’s being sarcastic, but he’s also buzzed so, I feel like I need to prep him for what could be.

‘I imagine the groom’s going to be pissed at what she’s watching if I’ve got to break out the video.’

Aaron nods. ‘Agreed. We may risk a fight. But two against one, we could take him.’

‘I’ve hit one person in my life and that’s plenty. We’re not fighting anyone. Should things implode, we run.’

---