Page 65 of Can't Take My Eyes Off You

For a moment we just hold each other tightly. I breathe her in, wishing I never had to let her go again and that I never had to begin with.

‘My emotions were all over the place at the bar. I wanted to hug the hell out of you, but I needed to hate you too. What happened? Where did you go? I can barely sleep I’ve been so worried.’

‘You have? All this time you’ve made it seem like letting me go was so easy for you.’

‘Ha! Behind the scenes it was torture, like someone ripping off my fingernails. I still can’t find all the piece of my heart so I decided to miss you silently, and only on days that end in y.’ She pulls away, giving me a slight – yet hesitant – smile.

Unfortunately, I have no words because I’m finally able to look her over and she’s so much prettier than she was. Wearing a short black skirt with a slit up one side and a Blondie T-shirt tied at her waist, the strappy heels I bought her so long ago on her feet. Her hair’s now faded into a caramelly brown color that I’m quickly falling in love with.

‘First things first, happy birthday. You told me how pretty I was earlier, so it’s only fair I do the same. You’re even more gorgeous than the last time I saw you.’

She blushes, attempting – yet failing – to hide the grin sneaking up on her. ‘Thanks.’

‘The pleasure is all mine,’ I say, wandering her apartment, taking it all in. This place is completely her, yet I see memories of us everywhere. I can’t decide if that hurts or makes this all a little better.

‘How drunk are you right now?’ I ask. ‘On a scale of one to ten.’

‘Six?’ she says, dropping onto her couch, her hand resting on her head. ‘Although the headache says seven, I think it’s fading. I’m not drunk enough not to remember this or do something stupid. Just fuzzy.’

‘Alright, fuzzy works,’ I say, inhaling deeply as I walk to her, sitting next to her. ‘I’ve bee—’

‘Why would you do that, William?’

‘What part specifically are you referring to?’

‘Royals, Danika, drinking yourself nearly to death, all the flirting, and partying, and then disappearing for months.Why?’

‘Headed right into the battlefield, are we?’

‘Did youreallynot want me anymore?’

‘What?’ I ask, surprised to hear her say those words. ‘AllI wanted was you, Berx. But you insisted I do this on my own. Then we fought all the time. Every time I saw you I could see your disappointment in me.’

‘That wasn’t disappointment, William.’

‘What was it?’

She sighs, looking at me sadly. ‘Heartbreak? A crushed soul? I missing piece of me that no one could ever replace?’

‘Berx… I was feeling all the same things. I tried to make this work but you were right, the show changed me and I hated what I’d turned into. I hated that one second it seemed like you wanted me and the next you didn’t. What was I supposed to do?’

‘You were supposed to stop hurting me.’ She squeezes her eyes shut, tears escaping once again.

Damn it. I’ve been in her apartment five minutes, and she’s cried twice. Hesitantly, I take her hand in mine, fully expecting her to jerk it away but instead, she holds it tightly.

‘I was twenty-three, Berx. I didn’t realize what I’d do to us by jumping all in with the show.’

‘Well, isn’t hindsight twenty-twenty? Now you think you can just come back and fall right back into where we were three years ago?’

‘No, I don’t think that. You told me the night of the Halloween party to find what makes me happy and it took me way longer than it should have but I found it. That’s why it took me so long to get here.’

‘What kind of change required you to flee my world without another word?’

I don’t know why these words are so hard to say when I’m so proud of them. Maybe because most of my family and ‘friends’ act like this was the most selfish thing I could have done.

‘I spent a while spiraling out of control while I lost my mind, knowing I’d fucked up so big I’d probably lost you for good, then when I hit rock bottom, someone laid my options out for me clearly, gave me some much-needed advice, and I did what you asked. I went to rehab.’

‘Please, if that someone was Danika Frost, don’t tell me.’

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