I laugh like he’s just told a joke. ‘Are you kidding me, right now?’
‘We need Will to put us in a hotel for a bit until we can figure this out,’ Melinda says as if she’s innocent of all wrongdoing and it’s all just a big misunderstanding.
‘Never gonna happen,’ Will says to her.
‘Why’s that?’ Jacob barks.
‘I don’t support criminals,’ he says. ‘Ihavemorals.’
The look on his mother’s face right now is a picture. I may need to prevent whatever scene is about to unfold.
‘What he means to say,’ I say quickly, sidling up to him and taking over, ‘is that because Will was cursed with the last name Adler—’
‘Blessed,’ Melinda corrects me.
I roll my eyes and not subtly. ‘The IRS are investigating him too. Hecan’thelp. All his accounts are frozen as well.’
Every one of their faces drops. God, I love it. Will uses his newly acquired ‘acting’ skills and matches their moods perfectly, dropping onto the couch next to his brother.
‘But no worries,I’vevolunteered to help,’ I chirp.
Melinda’s jaw hits the floor like I’ve just said the most offensive thing ever.
‘How areyougonna help us?’ Mike asks, sitting up as Will shoves his legs off the couch.
I flash him a douchey grin, one I know he can relate to. ‘I know this is hard for you to understand but I do work for a living, which means I get a regular paycheck, so I’m not completely destitute.’
‘Why would you do that?’ Melinda asks, her face somber in a way I’ve never witnessed.
‘Because I’mnotan ass-face, you’re down on your luck and Ihavea heart. But you’ll be getting the necessities only with this little deal.’
‘Deal?’ Jacob asks. He undoes his tie, letting it drape down his chest.
‘Yes. The deal is that I’ll help you. All you need to do is give me your souls in return.’
‘What?’ Jacob and Melinda ask in unison.
I laugh. ‘I’m kidding. What the hell would I want three demented souls for?’
Will laughs too, not even attempting to stifle it this time.
‘That’s a hard no on your souls; no doubt you already made deals with the devil ages ago and I wouldn’t want to fight him for them. Basically, you have three options. Door number one: I will house you, feed you, allow you to use my kitchen and shower – temporarily, until you figure this all out – and in return, the three of you will help around the store.’
Mike chokes. ‘You want us toworkfor you?Here?In a ridorkulous bookstore?’
‘You got another option,KingMikey?’ I ask.
He cocks his head, his lips pinched the same way Melinda’s are, then makes himself busy on his phone without answering my question.
‘What’s door number two?’ Jacob asks.
‘I’m so glad you asked! Door number two is that I let Will make the rules,’ I say, glancing between the three of them, who all look to each other in a visible panic. ‘I doubt that will be a pleasant path, as he doesn’t seem happy with any of you, but that’s your call.’ I glance back at Will, who grins, nodding my way like he’s proud. ‘Door number three: we wave goodbye as the three of you leave us the hell alone. What’ll it be? This is a limited-time offer and the clock is ticking.’
Jacob sighs heavily. I’ve convinced him, or maybe conned him. Oops. ‘I guess we’ll take door number one, Monty.’
I clap my hands together in front of me. ‘Excellent choice, sir. Welcome to Hotel Adler. Unfortunately, we don’t qualify for your usual five-star requirements, but considering your situation and all, I wouldn’t complain. We have two room options. For our happy couple…’ I grab some of the bedding from the coffee table and walk towards the stockroom. ‘Follow me,’ I say, pushing through the double swinging doors and flipping on the light. ‘We have a lovely 1997 queen-size pull-out couch, straight from my grandparents’ basement. Hardly slept on, but mostly because sleeping on this lumpy old thing will make you wish you had a bed of gravel.’
Melinda is horrified. And I love every second of it.