Page 82 of The Last Dance

He smiles. ‘It’s what I do.’ He starts tapping his keyboard faster than I can even think right now. He stops typing when our drinks are delivered.

‘You said you wanted to talk today, right?’ He looks over at me, a concerned look on his face.

‘Yeah.’ I nod.

‘Do you mind if I talk first?’

‘Nope.’ I sip my soda through the straw, trying to avoid even a hint of what he’s about to say. If I pretend he only wants to talk about the website, I can’t dread what’s coming next.

‘When I said I needed a new life that night, I really thought not having you around every day would make all the pain I was feeling go away. Nothing else was working and I was at the end of my rope. After we…’ He nods, not saying the words. ‘You know, that night, I felt like I’d ruined the only relationship that meant anything to me. I thought the only thing I could do to make sure I didn’t hurt you anymore was to leave. I thought you’d be better off without me.’

‘We were friends, Henry. I wanted to be there for you. If I’d have been overwhelmed by it, I’d have told you. And you’d never hurt me before. At least not until you left.’

He nods, pinching his lips together in an uncomfortable frown. ‘Iwas hurting. I couldn’t get out of my own head. I needed help before I did something stupid and I was trying my best to keep that from you.’

My breath catches in my throat. ‘What kind of stupid thing?Me?’ Oh, please don’t tell meIwas the stupid thing he did. Literally.

He shakes his head, lowering it towards the table as he hesitantly takes one of my hands in his. ‘God, no.Notyou. Depression is a hard thing to fight and sometimes an all too easy thing to hide. It used to hit me out of nowhere. One moment I’d be happy and then there were days where I wanted to end it all and I knew I didn’t want you to keep seeing me like that. You couldn’t have fixed it. I had to fight it myself.’

‘You were gonna…’ The words nearly choke me. ‘Hurt yourself?’ I can barely croak them out.

He squeezes my hand in his, staring down at them now in my lap. He nods. ‘I’ve never told anyone but doctors and therapists this, but there were a couple times where I was scared. I don’t think I could have gone through with it, but I can’t say I never considered it. You were the only thing getting me through. Even when I was in LA.’

I bite my lip to keep back the tears creeping up on me. I grab his hands with both of mine as I turn towards him, holding them tight. ‘Pleasedon’t ever do it, Henry. My heart can’t take it.’

‘I promise.’ He says the words quietly, not looking away from me.

I’ve never felt him hold my hand tighter than right now.

‘Sir…’ The waiter is standing at the table. Two plates in his hands, causing me to pull my hands from Henry just as he does the same. Clearing the table for our food.

This waiter has the worst and best timing. We sit in silence for a minute. He opened up. All the things he probably wished he could have said before, he finally figured out how to say them. I know talking to someone you love seems like it should be an easy thing. Sometimes, though, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Especially if you’re feeling all alone in life. Everybody has secrets; we’re human.

‘Do you still hate me?’ he asks, breaking the silence.

I shake my head, stirring the soup that came with my sandwich. ‘I neveractuallyhated you. Iwantedto. Trust me, Ireallywanted to. I spent a lot of time telling myself I did, I just couldn’t seem to do it.’

‘I can’t even tell you how relieved I am to hear that.’ He laughs as he picks up half his turkey sandwich, putting it on my plate and taking half my grilled cheese.

I try to hide my smile but see him looking at me when I glance over. I missed this. I missed him.

‘I had a lot I wanted to say today,’ I say, now focusing on my food.

He sets down the sandwich in his hands as if he’s ready to listen for hours if need be.

‘I don’t remember any of it.’ I glance over with a small shrug.

He laughs out loud. ‘That’s OK. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve got time. Unless it’s more fighting. I’m kind of hoping we’re over that part. I hate fighting with you.’

‘You and me both.’ I hesitantly laugh. ‘I want to be done with the fighting too.’ I nod, taking a bite of my sandwich and feeling something finally settle in my stomach that isn’t just the amazingly cheesy grilled-cheese sandwich. Something that tells me sitting here with him again, like old times, is the right thing to be doing.

After a few minutes of eating silently he pulls his laptop to the center of the table. ‘So, the website, I’m thinking something like this.’ A site appears with a few clicks. ‘Of course, this is generic, I’ll customize everything, but it’s the general idea of a landing page with two site entries. It’ll be really easy to use and update. You won’t even need my help.’

Sure. Won’t even need his help. Because I’ve never tried to burn down my apartment building by not being able to figure out how to use my digital oven and I’ve never had to get a new laptop because I basically bricked the old one, completely stumping even the IT guy at work, who insisted that the kind of virus I had was one usually found in porn. Which, trust me, I wasnotsurfing.

‘Um… I’ve had to have Claire reset my phone because I had it totally frozen for two days. You know how she fixed it that was a complete mystery to me?’

‘She turned it off and back on?’

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