Page 79 of The Last Dance

21

Over My Head

Ambri

‘He sent flowers?’ Claire asks as she digs through the few things I have left in my closet that aren’t packed.

‘Yeah. And like the idiot I am I actually thanked Noah for them. I may or may not have told him they were from you.’

She turns from my closet. ‘What? Don’t be lying and getting me into your crazy ideas.’

‘You think I could tell Noah that another man, one that he knows I’ve slept with, sent me roses and he wouldn’t wonder what the hell was up?’

‘Of course, he would. But you did save Henry from something that could have really humiliated him. Maybe he sent them for that reason?’

I stare over at her, a gritted-teeth smile. ‘Howdid that never even cross my mind?’ I drop my head into my hands, feeling like a total idiot.

‘Why did you think Henry sent them? Or should I ask, why did youhopehe sent them?’

I shrug, a probably obvious embarrassed grin on my face. ‘They’re the kind of flowers he knew I loved from me telling him a long time ago. I just thought…’

‘You thought he’s falling for you again.’ She’s no longer digging through my closet, but standing in the middle of the room, three hangers strung over one arm and a dress flung over her shoulder.

‘Is that so bad? I mean, something is different, Claire. Way,waydifferent.’

‘How would you feel if he was?’

I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I’ve done this a lot this week. Stare at the ceiling, wondering what could have been, what might be, what if. What if he does love me again?

‘I think it would definitely throw some things off track.’

‘Yeah. The question is would it throwyouoff track?’

I sit up. ‘I think I would actually kind of prefer the way things went down the first time.’

‘Oh yeah, the time he broke your heart?’

‘No. The time I didn’t really even realize how I felt about him until it hit me all at once.’

Claire sighs, dropping everything in her hands and walking over, sitting next to me on my bed. ‘Eventually you have to face the feelings you’re trying to avoid. You can’t keep everything buried and not expect them to give you some troubles along the way.’

‘Noah and I have been fighting.’

‘About what?’

‘Henry. And marriage, and… and I—’ I bite my lip. I haven’t said this out loud besides to my parents, but I know I need to. ‘I don’t want to move in with him, Claire. I should have said no when he suggested it. I’m not ready for moving in together.’

‘Then why did you agree if you don’t want to?’

‘Because it felt like the right thing to do. But things haven’t been going great, and then Henry coming back… it’s just – everything I felt for him is coming back and I don’t know what to do.’ I tear up, the emotions I’ve continued to bury finally starting to make it to the surface.

She puts an arm around me, leaning her head against mine. ‘You’re human, Ambri. You don’t always choose who you fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants sometimes. More often than not it doesn’t go in the direction you expected. I think it’s worth the time it takes to figure it out though. You don’t want to look back and realize you did the wrong thing because you made a decision too soon.’ She turns to face me. ‘You need to really think about why you’re even with Noah. Are you in love with him or are you only doing what you think you should be doing?’

I’ve already been thinking about this, a lot. Noah had to really chase me to even get me to go out with him. I was scared but I finally said yes because… well, I was lonely. Noah is a great person, he really is, but I don’t think I’m in love with him like I should be.

‘Noah’s comfortable. He’s safe. I don’t think he’d ever hurt me but…’ I sigh. ‘I feel like maybe I love Noah in the same way I love Ben. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ben, just not in the romantic way that a love should be. God…’ I drop back on the bed again. ‘I am a terrible person, Claire.’

‘No, you’re not. Life isn’t easy.’

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